


Flutter

by salty_mommy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Author Is Sleep Deprived, College, Complete, Complicated Relationships, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Farmer Ushijima Wakatoshi, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Gentle Kissing, Gentleness, Gratuitous Smut, Kinda, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Canon Compliant, Oblivious Ushijima Wakatoshi, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Porn With Plot, Pre-Relationship, Reader-Insert, Shameless Smut, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Sweet, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Ushiwaka - Freeform, Volleyball, Wooing, You Should Have Come to Shiratorizawa, good food, high school friends - Freeform, ushijima is a softie, ushijima is kinda like a bird lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2020-07-25 14:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20027158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salty_mommy/pseuds/salty_mommy
Summary: You and Ushijima have had things all worked out, a mutual give and take relationship that satisfies both parties involved. With college just around the corner, your relationship with him takes an unexpected turn.





	1. A Swarm of Bees

Ushijima Wakatoshi had to be the most dense and emotionally unavailable person you had ever met. At first, that’s what made him perfect. You could both mutually satisfy yourselves and not have to worry about the other party getting too attached. You were so busy looking forward to life after high school, you had no time to fret about whether or not your relationship would last past this year and over the distance that would be between your college and someone else’s. Not to mention, he had been your crush since all the way back in middle school. Fourteen-year-old you would have flipped your shit. He was just as hot as you had ever dared to imagine, and he was 

Someone had dragged Ushijima to a party just before school had started in the spring. You couldn’t tell whether he was drunk or sober, but you were not. One thing lead to another and somehow the two of you ended up hooking up in the parent’s bedroom. Not your proudest moment, but it lead to this understood relationship between the two of you. 

Everything lead up to the present, you and Ushijima had maybe a month before school ended. Without volleyball, he had more pent-up energy. It had come to the point where he sought you out at every possible convenience. He would catch you on your way home from school, text you when it was the weekend, and alarmingly, he was grabbing you in the hallway at lunch and telling you to meet him places on campus. This uncharacteristically risky behavior was alarming to say the least. You fidgeted as you waited on the roof of the east wing. This was by far the most dangerous and risky place he had ever asked you to meet him at. You also had absolutely no idea how he had managed to obtain the key, as the roof was off-limits to any students. 

You were afraid that the recent lack in satisfaction from volleyball was leading the volleyball captain to become a nymphomaniac adrenaline junkie. 

You sat on the roof, the wind blew straight through your uniform. You shivered, it was nearly March, but still chilly. There was no way you were having sex on the roof, no matter how horny Ushijima was. The door opened and you jolted from where you were sitting. Ushijima’s footsteps thundered over to you as he sat next to you. There were no fences around the perimeter of the roof as being on the roof was strictly prohibited. Subconsciously, you were nervous about him approaching and you gripped the ledge with your hands. Your legs still hung over the edge of the building. 

Ushijima held a hand out to you to pull you up, you accepted it. He brought you to your feet and you could look at him better. Before you could say anything, his lips crashed onto yours. You had the dizzy feeling you couldn’t deny. As much as you wanted to ask him why he wanted to meet you up on the roof and clarify that you wouldn’t have sex one he roof, he had you trapped. His lips were warm and a bit chapped, but the saliva smoothed them. 

You tangled your hands in the collar of his shirt, crumpling it. You didn’t want to say anything if it meant missing his lips on your own. Still, when he reached to unbutton your shirt, you had to swat his hand away. You jerked back and looked at Ushijima, who looked way more than shocked. You had never protested much before, being just as horny and needy as he was. 

“Not here.” You tugged his head back down and licked the shell of his ear. He slid his hands down further and rested them on your rump, squeezing your ass a bit. 

You could think a bit better now. “Is this something we need to talk about?” You asked, still nibbling on the shell of his ear. 

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.” He said in his usual manner, pissing you off a bit. You stopped and backed up so you could look him in the eyes. 

“Seriously, you’re not gonna address your erratic and risky behavior?” You still held onto his collar, he couldn’t avoid your question. You raised a brow at him. “Now tell me,” you looked him in the eyes, “what’s really going on.” 

The two of you had always tried to keep talk about your personal feelings out of the equation as much as possible. Still, you figured that when the other party’s actions impacted you, you needed to cut the shit and get to the root of the problem. This was something you had been noticing, but neglecting to address for too long. Yeah, the freezing rooftop of your school in the middle of what was probably self-study wasn’t the most opportune time to deal with the issue at hand, but it was necessary. 

He looked uncharacteristically confused. Normally he had a stern, neutral expression at all times that wouldn’t betray any emotions. It took you by surprise and you blinked, sure your eyes were playing tricks on you. It wasn’t that he never made expressions, they were just hard to pick up on. To have such visible and blatant emotions appear on Ushijima’s face, well, frankly, it was alarming. You tried a different approach this time. “Do  _ you  _ even know what your deal is?” 

You sighed, further curling your fists in his collar before letting him go. Ushijima straightened up. “I seriously, “ you rubbed the bridge of your nose, looking down at the ground. “I can- I can’t tell what you want if you can’t communicate.” This wasn’t the type of relationship you wanted. Too much emotional debris were being stirred up. “Look, if you want out of the relationship, all you have to do is ask, you don’t need to try to push me away like this.” You were still looking down at your shoes. 

“No!” He said forcefully, grabbing your arm. You looked at him, his face mirroring your surprised in a muted, less-composed-than-normal way. The tension in his hand eased up and you swung your arm away. He cleared his throat, regaining his calmness. “I do not want you to go.” 

You rubbed the spot on your arm where he had squeezed you a bit too strongly for your liking. “What do you want?” You looked at him, a bit differently than you had before. “What do you really want, Ushijima-kun?” 

He paused for a moment, thinking, buffering. “I think,” he said slowly, “I want to kiss you.” The look on his face was nothing unfamiliar, but it wasn’t a look you were accustomed to on his face. It looked misplaced. The gleam in his eye, the softness in the muscles on his face. He reached out for you and you took a step backward, forgetting you were standing in front of a ledge. You fell backwards, and for a split second, you saw everything slow down, like time was actually ten minutes slower than it should have been. You saw the frosty blue sky, the whipped white clouds, and the brilliant sunlight as you fell backwards. And then the look in Ushijima’s eyes all made sense. It was unfortunate you’d never be able to respond. You were aghast, unable to cry out. A hand wrapped around your wrist and tugged you back. If Ushijima didn’t have such quick reflexes, you would have probably experienced a five-story free-fall. 

He pulled you close to him and you collapsed against him. Your legs were the equivalent of limp chicken noodles, the adrenaline washed over you. You shook but didn’t scream. Ushijima turned your head up by lifting your chin, “Are you okay?” 

No, you were not okay. Your friends with benefits was cradling you on the roof, you almost died, and you were skipping class. Everything was fine! “I think so.” You said, thought the words came out muddled and slow. It was hard to process everything, let alone address the way Ushijima was looking at you. Ushijima slumped to the ground, you followed suit, your legs were jello. You sat there, unmoving for a period of time. Ushijima ran his hand through your hair, a startling gesture that you were not expecting from him. It was gentle, Ushijima wasn’t known by you to be so tender. He tended to be more distanced. You didn’t know what was different about this day. You let him softly run his fingers between your locks. It was soothing, all things considered. 

You figured that with all of the excitement going on, you decided not to push it. 

* * *

You didn’t speak to Ushijima for three days until he called you. Ushijima wasn’t one to text, unless he could avoid it. Thinking it over, if Ushijima liked you, it wasn’t a problem for you, but it might be for him. Anyways, so he called you on a Saturday, you almost didn’t answer. You didn’t want to have to talk about the inevitable. You liked Ushijima, you did, a lot. He was perfect for the type of relationship you had been pursuing. Anything more than that, that was uncharted. It turns out that Ushijima Wakatoshi had more emotions than you had given him credit for, which unfortunately meant that your little arrangement was falling apart. 

_ “Can we meet up at the coffee shop down the street from school?”  _ The words sounded foreign falling from his mouth. 

“Ushijima-kun, that sounds a bit date-like.” You commented rather sourly, biting the bottom of your lip. 

_ “I have something I would like to discuss with you.”  _ He clarified. 

You contemplated the idea for a moment before responding. “Okay,” you said reluctantly before adding, “I’ll meet you there in an hour.” 

_ “Okay,”  _ the line crackled before you hung up. 

You laid in your bed for another few minutes, staring at the ceiling, going over all of the things he could possibly want to talk about with you. You hauled yourself out of bed, not as excited for the meet-up as you would have been if you were meeting under normal circumstances. You looked through your closet, pulling out a normal sweater and a pair of jeans, a pair of socks and sneakers. You went into the bathroom and took a quick shower, not washing your hair. After wasting about fifteen minutes in the shower, you toweled off and got dressed. You still wanted to look presentable, even if a majority of the time, Ushijima had seen you without your clothes on. 

You pulled on a coat and a scarf before making your way out the door. It was the right choice, after all it was still a bit nippy out. Your breath made puffy little clouds as you exhaled. The street was fairly busy, it was the weekend, after all. Ushijima already was sat at a table in the coffee shop when you arrived. The delicate, cafe-style table and chairs made him look massive in their dainty presence. You ordered a drink at the counter, stifling a laugh when you saw him. He had an enigma of a face, though there was concern and restlessness there too. If you weren’t mistaken, Ushijima looked a little worried. He shifted a bit in his seat as he watched you cross the room. 

You settled down across from him and took a sip of your drink before addressing him. “So what did you want to talk about?” You crossed your legs, getting comfortable. 

“I need to talk to you about something important.” He said, her ran his thumb over the rim of his mug. “It’s about the other day.” You held your breath, allowing him to continue. Ushijima wasn’t much of a talker, so when he had something to say, you were more inclined to listen. “I thought about what you said, about me and my recent actions.” You wrapped your hands around the warmth of your cup. “I think I’m sick.” He said, all of the world seemed to stop moving for a split second. 

“What?” You whispered, unsure if you had heard him correctly. 

“I am sick.” 

You felt panic, but did your best to push it down. After all, what really was Ushijima to you? “In what way?” You were really hoping he didn’t have a venereal disease. 

“My head is strange, I do not think clearly anymore, I get really hot sometimes and my stomach feels weird sometimes.” 

You processed this for a moment before asking him carefully, “does your stomach hurt?” 

He shook his head. “It does feel strange though,” he admitted, then going on to say, “I have been to the doctor, and he seemed to find my symptoms amusing, he told me that I was just a healthy young man.” 

You started to get a sinking feeling in your gut. “When does this happen?” 

“At school, at home when I am taking a shower if I am thinking, It happens when we are together too.” 

The pieces all clicked together. You were surprised he hadn’t come across this conclusion himself. Sure, Ushijima could be dense at times, but he was by no means stupid. “Ushijima-kun, you’re in love.” You spat out before you could stop yourself. You had to reel in the string of laughter dying to come out. “I can’t believe you went to the doctor for this.” You laughed a bit breathlessly. 

His face was further confused. “Love?” He said emptily. “The internet told me I had cancer.” 

* * *

Against your better judgement, you dragged him along with you to a love hotel. You weren’t a big fan of these places and you would have hated to take a black light to the room, but this one was your favorite. The cleanest with a fair rate, it would do. After all, it would have been even less wise to take him back to your dorm. 

When the two of you got into the room, Ushijima took off his coat and started to unbutton his shirt. You put your hand over his and shook your head. You knew from the look in his eyes the other day, and the way he had been acting, this was probably something Ushijima would never understand unless you showed him. So you just wouldn’t show him. 

You lead him to the bed and he sat on the edge of the bed. You took off your jacket and scarf and folded them over the back of a chair. You turned back to him and looked at him for a moment. “We are going to try something,” you said as you sat down next to him on the bed. “I am going to let you do whatever you want to me.” Normally, in bed, Ushijima was intense, demanding. You were used to a more merciless side of him. “We could have sex, we don’t have to, do what you want.” You looked at him for a moment. “But first, I want you to tell me what you are feeling.” 

He looked you over, still wearing your sweater and jeans. “My stomach feels funny.” He declared. You smiled at him. “My head feels… like I am swimming.” He put a hand on his abdomen, “My stomach feels like there are bees in it.” 

“Not butterflies?” You asked, cracking a smile at that. 

Ushijima nodded his head, “some sort of flying insect”. 

You flashed a grin before going back to your original point. “You can do what you want, really, I will tell you if I don’t like it, but mainly,” you looked at him softly, thinking this could be the last time you were ever with Ushijima, “I want you to know what you like, and what you want from me.” If he realized he had feelings, the spell would be broken and you could no longer continue stringing him along. In as little as a month, the two of you would be splitting up and going to university. There was no way you would forsake the acceptance to your preferred university to follow a guy, of all things. 

First, he licked his lips apprehensively, like his mouth had gone dry. You were a bit bemused, while Ushijima was a driven man, you had always directed him in a way. It was interesting. The first thing Ushijima did was kiss you. It was unlike the hungry, ravenous kisses from days prior. It was gentle, slow, he was taking his time. You never knew he wanted to be kissed this way. His mouth tasted like coffee when he finally licked his way into your mouth. His tongue was warm, and every bump of his taste buds was like a little match, lighting your mouth on fire. He slipped a hand under your sweater, you could feel his calloused fingertips dragging across the skin of your stomach. Still, his movements had more grace than ever. 

Every motion was carried out calmly, premeditated. A small groan came from his mouth as he kissed you. His hand ran up your back, tracing along your spine slowly, not directly in a teasing manner. Even so, the urge to twine your fingers in his hair and kiss him harder was present, though negligible. He hiked your shirt up so that it bunched just under your armpits, he leaned down to place his lips on your sternum. He pulled the shirt up over your head as he continued trailing kisses randomly along your chest. Once your shirt was off, discarded somewhere on the floor, he gently pushed you down so that your back hit the bed. Ushijima turned and knelt on the bed before hovering over you once again. He was nipping ever so lightly at your chest before his mouth landed on a nipple. He rolled the bud around in his mouth, lapping at the edges of your nipple Meanwhile, his hands were otherwise preoccupied by undoing the button and zipper of your jeans. 

The way he was playing with your nipples was distracting, You shuddered and a small noise rose from the back of your throat. You lifted your hips for him to pull your jeans down. You could hear the sound of his mouth on your chest, and felt the warmth of his breath travel down further as his kisses trailed down your abdomen. Ushijima dipped his tongue in your navel, something that made you squirm a bit involuntarily. At the same time, he gained purchase on your hips, tracing circles lazily into them. The sensation of the calloused pads of his fingers against the flesh of your hips was truly divine. Lower he went, soon you could feel his chin hit your vulva. He took a moment to spread your thighs wide. He touched the wet spot of your panties with his nose and took in a breath, thinking back this was a bit bizarre, but you had said he could do  _ anything  _ he wanted. 

He trailed kisses from your kneecap, all the way up the meat of your inner thigh. He nipped, but not enough to leave marks. You, naturally, were getting a bit frisky, you let out a quiet moan in between a string of ragged breathing. The fact that Ushijima had never treated you like this made you even more of a wreck. Had you known he would act like this, you would have had him take it slow a long time ago. He rubbed a thumb over your clit in small, slow circles. 

You writhed under him, the first time he was really touching you all night, it took all you had to not buck into him. He was teasing you a bit, the pad of his thumb getting lighter and lighter as he bit down on the meat of your inner thigh, a place only he could see. He kissed the burning spot afterwards, as if to soothe you. You were getting impatient, but he rubbed his other hand over your folds before he started with his tongue. That damn tongue. 

Ushijima licked into you, lapping at your walls. He had never done this before, The whole point of the two of you having this arrangement was to mutually get off. If one of you weren't going to orgasm, then there was no point. You had never thought about how weird it was that he was going down on you. It felt, intimate, more so than any of the other things the two of you had done together. A loud moan extricate itself from your throat. His tongue slid about, causing friction in your walls. Soon, he was rubbing your clit again, in a faster, more controlled pace. You shivered and cried out, “Ushijima!” He stopped his moments, poking his head up to face you. 

“Call me Wakatoshi,” he kissed you, his eyes were as determined as ever, “please,” he added, you could taste yourself on his lips. He continued his ministrations, it felt like you were on fire. The white-hot touch of him drove you crazy. You arched your back as he slowed the pace down, favoring long, flat strokes with his tongue. The hot breath fanning about made the whole affair almost unbearable.

The familiar sensation of a knot pulling taught in your abdomen buzzed in your hazy mind. All of the sounds and lights were drowning out to dull, muted tones. It burnt until you uncoiled. Every muscle in your entire body tensed as you called out his name, sobbing. As your whole body and you released, your mind went blank and your vision was white. Your breaths heaved and you couldn’t even think about moving. He was still lapping up your juices, continuing to rub your overstimulated clit. It was all too much. “Wakatoshi,” you said weakly, "please". He licked his lips and crawled next to you on the bed. 

You cupped his cheek, tracing your fingers along his jawbone. His eyes were the same, olive eyes, but they glittered. You felt raw, the most naked you had ever been, the way he treated you, you finally understood the phrase “making love”. 

“Ushijima-kun,” you began. 

“Wakatoshi.” He corrected. 

“Ushijima-kun,” you insisted. “You’ve been very good to me,” you started, “but-.”

“But?” Ushijima questioned, raising a brow and running his fingers over your forearm. 

“We both knew this wasn’t going to last. Our arrangement was great, but we graduate in just a few weeks, I’m sure you already got your acceptance to university.” 

He grunted in agreement. Though he looked a bit disappointed. You felt a bit bad, to end it all after the best sex of your life. Perhaps, you could end it on a good note. You nudged in between his thighs with your knee, he was still fully dressed, you figured the tent in his pants probably was excruciatingly uncomfortable. He groaned at the slightest brush of your kneecap on his bulge. 

“It’s our last night, let’s have fun together.” You purred, tearing the button from his pants. 

* * *

The break between high school graduation and starting uni was too short. You parted ways with all of your friends, and prepared to make new ones. You were nervous your first two weeks, you figured all of the freshman were. Still, you were beginning to make friends with some of the people in your classes. Sometimes you thought about what Ushijima was doing and how he was. Was he getting enough sleep? Was he managing his stress well? 

You snapped out of your daydream as the professor was going over what pages of the textbook you would need to read, and that there was a paper due next Tuesday before she dismissed class. You began packing up your things when one of your friends leaned over and said. “Hey, me and a few other friends are going over to watch the volleyball team practice for a bit after class. Do you want to come with us?” 

You paused for a moment, weighing the possibilities. “I hear our team has some very promising players this year.” You smiled for a moment, remembering the first time you laid eyes on Ushijima Wakatoshi, and how the crush bloomed in your chest for nearly a year. Maybe visiting the gym couldn’t hurt. You would always have a soft spot in your heart for volleyball. You nodded your head and before you knew it, your friend was dragging you out of the lecture hall. 

Maybe the nostalgia would be good for you, but half of you felt like it would only make you homesick. 

You followed your friend to the gym, there was a small gathering, nowhere near as diligent or massive as some of the crowds you used to see back when you were in high school. You missed the throngs of people that would gather, it made you feel homesick. People were chattering as you pushed your way to the front. The people around you were chattering. 

“Woah, that guy’s really good!” 

“He’s kinda scary, all laser-focused.” 

“Wasn’t he on Japan’s youth team?’ 

“No way, how’d he manage to come  _ here _ ?” 

You stilled for a moment, ice ran in your veins. You saw him jump up to hit the ball. “No fucking way.” You muttered.

“Is something wrong?” Your friend asked, concerned. 

  
You shook your head and a dopey grin spread on your face.  _ “It’s just my luck that he would be here too.”  _


	2. A Cluster of Butterflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't mind the way this is turning out. It's gonna be somewhat slow-burn. Kinda? A little bit. Who knows? 
> 
> Make sure to comment feedback because it means a lot to me.

You took in a breath and called out “Ushijima-kun!”, more out of surprise than to get his attention. It was the first time you had ever seen him distracted, he turned towards your voice and smiled, just in time for a ball to collide with his head. 

You winced and the sound of impact, but he just ran over to you. “I wasn’t aware that you would be attending this University as well.” Ushijima stated, plain as ever. 

“That’s nice, but you really should be getting back to practice.” You said rather curtly. You turned to walk away, this was a bit much to process. All of that “letting go” crap was seeming really redundant now that Ushijima was standing before you. 

“Wait for me,” he boomed, you turned your head around to see him, “after practice, wait for me like you used to.” With that, he jogged back to the court, probably to get lectured. This whole breaking focus on the court. He was lucky he was such a good volleyball player. Still, you cursed him. That dumbass is even more sly than you thought he was capable of. 

* * *

_ “Wait for me after practice like you used to.” _You mocked, in your head, of course. You leaned against the exterior wall next to the men’s locker room. “Oh, kiss my a-.” The door swung open and all of the volleyball team seemed to rush out at once. A couple of them gave you glances, some were neutral, others were straight up rude. You paid no attention. Back in highschool, nobody outwardly knew you and Ushijima were fooling around. He never denied nor did he agree to anything thrown at him. So the volleyball team knew you were seeing each other, but didn’t know the bounds of your relationship. Frankly, they should have been grateful, without you to help him relieve some stress, Ushijima might have been a real monster. Still, it was a bit odd to not be worried about people seeing the two of you together. Nobody in college cared. Part of you still felt paranoid.

The door opened once more, Ushijima exited, freshly washed and in clean joggers and a tee-shirt. You straightened up from where you were leaning against the building, but you didn’t move from your spot. He had his gym bag thrown over his shoulder, and he stopped when he stood directly in front of you. He looked at you, the massive beast of a man, and he cupped your cheeks. Arms still crossed, you didn’t move as he ran a thumb over the apples of your cheeks. He blinked slowly, his eyes taking all the features of your face. He looked the same as before, maybe a bit older, but that could be just the change in scenery talking. He made no moves to kiss you, surely, you thought he would. You figured he wanted the same thing the two of you had before. 

Oh boy, were you wrong. The two months you were apart from Ushijima must have opened his eyes or something, because now, unlike before. He knew exactly what he wanted from you. “Last time,” he said, saying the first word, “our relationship…” He seemed to be looking for the correct way to describe just what it was. “We did not do things the way other people do.” 

You snorted, pushing his hands away from your face. “Of course we didn’t, it was a mutually beneficial agreement.” 

“I do not want that.” He said, serious as a heart attack. 

You grinned at him. “Well I guess that’s good, considering we don’t do that anymore.” You laughed a bit at him. 

“I found out why I was sick.” He stated, unmoved by your amusement. 

You wiggled a brow. “Oh did you now?”

“I love you.” Was love the word you expected? No. You thought he was going to say “like, naturally. Knowing Ushijima, he was a type of ‘all or nothing’ guy. It caught you off guard, made you recoil just a little bit. Suddenly, it wasn’t funny anymore. 

“Ushijima,” you said in a low growl, warning him. He did not heed your warning and continued. 

“Please go out with me.” After two months, you still hadn’t sorted out how you felt about him. During the time you broke things off, you were certain. However, the more you saw him after you had broken things off, the more your mind wandered. You shook your head. 

“I don’t think I can do that.” You said, turning your lips down sourly. 

He looked at you strangely. “Do you have a reason as to why not?”

You stepped around him, shaking your head. “Sometimes an answer is reason enough,” you said. 

* * *

As much as you tried to avoid him, Ushijima appeared everywhere. You were glad your majors were entirely different, because he wasn’t in any of your classes. Still, seeing him in the cafeteria, in the gym in the mornings, the library when you were researching. This last month was the most distracting of your entire life. 

If it had been highschool, you would have dragged Ushijima into a supply closet and taught him a lesson. You shook your head, looking at him focusing on the book in front of him a couple tables away. You needed to be more mature. You were an adult, in college. Maturity was important. Still, the highschooler within you craved his skin, his attention. You really needed to grow up. 

Still you couldn’t help but drift off to what he said to you _ “I love you,” _ he had said it as clear and with as much determination as he would with anything else. The light, airy feeling in your stomach left room for anxiety. It wasn’t that you didn’t know he had liked you, but the fact that Ushijima still liked you, no, _ loved _you, it was too much. Seeing him in a new light, it was hard to tell how much of an impact his words would leave on you. Turning back to your laptop, you tried to crank out a couple hundred more words for your essay. 

* * *

He was there one night, standing outside your dorm after you were coming back from a particularly grueling lecture. It was your latest class, screw you for not getting to register classes early enough, you were stuck at 5:30 to 7:00 every Friday evening. Your eyes were bleary from all of the notes you had taken. You really weren’t looking forward to seeing him hulking outside your dorm. He probably looked creepy, loitering in front of the girl’s dorm. You sighed and set your bag down on the steps in front of the building and slumped down next to it. 

Ushijima took a seat next to you, sitting straight, as usual. He produced a plastic convenience store bag and began pulling several random items out of it. A package of gum, the flavor you like the most, but a brand you had never heard of. A drink, the same one you normally would pick up on your way home from school in the summer. The last one, a banana. 

You gave him a sideways glance. “Ushijima-kun, what the hell is this.” You sighed as he set the “gifts” in your lap. 

He cocked his head to the side. “I thought girls liked it when guys bring them gifts.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I am going to ignore the heteronormative and materialistic narrative you are basing that statement off to say, yes people _ do like recieving gifts. _Normally, the gift is a stuffed animal, chocolate, maybe even tickets to a concert or something.” You looked at him, not necessarily annoyed, maybe a bit amused. “Normally it’s not a banana.” 

“Bananas are good for after a game, and you look tired.” Well, at least he gets points for being thoughtful. 

“Thanks,” you said, picking up the banana and peeling it, “you can blame that on my Econ professor, they’re a real slave-driver.” You lifted the banana to your mouth and glanced over at him. Watching you. For someone who knew you in the sheets, he seemed a bit too interested in what you were doing. You broke the banana in half and gave him the end that had the peel before biting into your own half. “Here.”

“Why are you giving me the banana back?” He looked at the broken fruit in his hands. 

“ You looked hungry.” You shrugged. He seemed to accept it and took a bite out of his end. 

You took in a deep breath. You could smell him. The soap he always used, his deodorant, cologne. It wasn’t that long ago that simply smelling him like that would have got you going. But now, it was just him. You washed down the banana with your drink, popping the top off. You offered the drink to Ushijima. He shook his head. He was never one for drinking after other people. Even though he had kissed you a thousand times, he was still stubborn on it. You continued your drink. 

“Do you ever wonder what would happen if we had started dating before?” Ushijima asked, graduating from highschool must have flipped some sort of switch, because Ushijima was coming up with all sorts of really good questions you knew he didn’t think about before. 

“It probably would have gone something like this: you and I date for a month, the strain from volleyball and class tear us apart, and then we both breakup without ever getting to first base.” The words tossed out of your mouth effortlessly. 

He stared off at the other buildings on campus as the lamps flickered on. He had a contemplative stare on his face. You found it weird how relaxed you were around him. “Don’t do that.” You poked his furrowed brows. “You’ll get wrinkles.” 

You got up from your spot on the stairs and dusted yourself off before bending down to pick up your bag. “Well, I’ll see you around, Ushijima-kun.” You said, climbing the steps to go into your dorm. 

He grabbed your wrist, gently, thoughtfully. “Please think about it.” He gave you that same stony face, but his eyes were alight. For some reason, the passion and sincerity of it all made you blush. Ushijima was a man of few words, so everything he says counts. 

You turned your head so he wouldn’t see your cheeks flushed. “Yeah, sure” you muttered, wriggling out of his grasp. “Good night, Ushijima-kun.” 

* * *

You had trouble sleeping that night. Tossing and turning to no avail, you couldn’t stop thinking about how Ushijima had been acting. Considerate. Not that he was inconsiderate before, the two of you just had your own lives going on, but now he was focusing more on yours. It made you feel- weird. A kind, softer Ushijima, one you had never seen before was presenting itself to you. You couldn’t be more confused. 

After all, it was over for you. The contents of your relationship with Ushijima had been neatly placed into a little box and secured. Now, he was coming back and ripping off the strings and throwing everything you thought you knew into disarray. It was six in the morning and you had a terrible exhaustion-born headache. If you could just stop thinking about him, you could sleep. 

You glared at the ceiling, the curtains on the window were drawn, drowning out the early morning light. Your stomach growled. You groaned. Your roommate, still blissfully snoring in their bed, undisturbed. You looked over at them jealously before crawling out of bed to grab a jacket and to shove your feet into some shoes. The dining hall should have been just opening, if not, you would have to go off-campus to satiate your hungry stomach. You grabbed your wallet and key before slipping out of the room. 

* * *

The next few days, you were able to sleep somewhat better, but that didn’t mean Ushijima stopped coming by every night when you were on your way back from class. The butterflies in your stomach scraped your innards in the most uncomfortable way. You squashed them down, refusing to heed whatever warning they were trying to give you. The gifts he brought varied from day to day. Food, a strange looking pen that had a clown face on the top, a book he had read in literature class, it was strange. Each token you collected reminded you more and more of a bird trying to woo a female. It was laughable, really. 

It had been a week, and you were beginning to get used to Ushijima appearing to bring you favors. Today it was a button. You turned it over in your hands. It was familiar. Yet you couldn’t place it. You looked at him questioningly, he had a slight smile. You knew he wouldn’t tell you so easily. The two of you shared easy conversation. It was neither important nor meaningless. Nights like that, you could pretend that there was no complicated history and you were simply two old friends, talking, enjoying each other's company. You slipped the button into your pocket and said good night to him.

Another day, another present, another night staying up, thinking about the boy you thought you had left behind. 


	3. Horde of Locusts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! College is okay so far, I haven't had to write many papers, but I still am trying to focus on my health and on my studies. So between going to the gym, studying, having two crushes at once, and like eating, I have been kinda busy. Still, I have been trying my best to write here and there while in between classes. 
> 
> I am still kinda nervous about being in college but I really love it here!
> 
> Make sure to give me lots of comments telling me what you did and didn't like about this chapter so i know what to do for duture reference!

You turned the button over in your fingers as you laid in bed. It was dark, but you traced your finger over the raised symbols on the face of the button. It felt so familiar. Like when you see a certain person every day, a stranger, passing on the way to class. You can recognize them, but you can’t put a name to their features if you had to describe them. Still, it felt like an everyday item that was negligible in the recesses of your mind. 

Even though the room was already dark, you closed your eyes and let yourself really f eel the pattern of the button. What this button belonged to, where you knew it from, was right on the tip of your tongue. You knew it. 

* * *

“Ushijima-kun, you sly bastard.” You said when you saw him sitting on the steps outside of your dorm the next evening. “Giving me the button from your school blazer, what are we, in middle school?” You snorted, tossing the button at him. He easily caught the button and turned it over in his fingers before looking back up at you, perplexed.

“I was told I was expected to give away my buttons to girls who admired me in high school. The only one I wanted to give them to was you. 

You felt your cheeks heat up a little bit, and you patted his head gently. “I suppose maybe I did admire you for a time in high school.” You stooped to sit down next to him on the steps. Other people who lived in your dorm went in and out of the building, weaving past the two of you as you chatted. This time he had brought protein bars and bottles of green tea. 

“I was thinking.” He said. 

You nodded your head gravely. “I thought something seemed off with you.” You teased him, but he didn’t react. 

“I was thinking,” he repeated, “I would like you to call me just Ushijima.” He continued smoothly, without shame or trepidation. He had been coming to see you for weeks at this point, you felt even more comfortable around him. You leaned on him, humming, unwrapping a protein bar. “Mmm, okay.” You agreed, biting into the protein bar. 

You didn’t know exactly how you felt about Ushijima, not when everything around you seemed to be spinning too fast. Between assignments, deadlines, and classes, it was hard to get a moment to reflect. The midterm would be coming up soon and you were too busy to think about him. 

Sure, maybe you had few moments before you drifted off to sleep to think about the man you just couldn’t shake. It was comforting, seeing a familiar face when you were so far away from home. However, that didn’t mean you liked him. There was a certain sense of security that came along with Ushijima. It was easy to feel safe with him. A large man with strong arms and the intent to take care of you, what’s not to feel comfortable about. He would walk you around campus at night to make sure you felt safe, to keep strangers away. He was a security blanket to you, in a way. Not that you weren’t perfectly capable of handling yourself. Still, part of you wondered if you were taking advantage of him. Using him. 

Ushijima wasn’t an idiot, and the two of you knew each other pretty well. He knew how you felt, or how you had told him you felt. It was his choice to stick around you, and your choice to not tell him to leave you alone. His tenacity, normally something you admired, was creating a queasy tornado in the pit of your stomach. 

You suddenly didn’t feel like eating the protein bar anymore. You opted to tear off little pieces and throw them at the pigeons gathering on the lawn across the sidewalk from your dorm. Ushijima looked down at you quizzically. “Are you not hungry?” You offered him the remainder of your protein bar. He took it. “You didn’t have to eat it if you were not hungry.” 

You shrug your shoulders without giving any explanation. He chewed the protein bar thoughtfully. “Hey, Ushijima-ku-,” you paused, “Ushijima, do you want to go do something?” 

* * *

You sat next to him on the bus, every bump and contour of the pavement cause the rickety vehicle to sway as it puttered along. The bus came to a gusting halt at the terminal on the sext side of the city. You thanked the bus driver as you exited the bus and waited for Ushijima to do the same. You began walking down the sidewalk, not looking back to make sure Ushijima was following you. You could hear his footsteps behind you before he fell in line with your strides. It was always like this. Ushijima would never look back no matter what, you decidedly, had begun to do the same. 

He followed you into a cramped and dimly lit alley. You wove in between garbage cans and flower pots filled with dying or dead vegetation. The few shops in the cluttered alley were closed for the night. You made it to the end, a brightly lit shop with yellow string lights and lanterns was the destination. You slid open the door and entered. The smell of ramen immediately enveloped the two of you. The man working in the back called out to the two of you. “Take a seat, I’ll be with you in a minute.” He had an accent, like he hadn’t lived in the city for all of his life. The walls were covered with pictures of all over the country, some from outside of Japan even. You hopped up at the counter and propped your chin in your hands. “Yoko-chan, customers.” The elderly man crooned, fussing over something behind the counters. 

A tall, limber girl, who couldn’t have been over the age of fifteen came over carrying a pitcher of water, setting it on the edge of the counter. “How can I help you?” 

“I think we are both going to have the house special,” you grinned, jabbing your thumb in Ushijima’s direction, “extra egg on his.” 

“Alright!” The girl responded cheerfully. 

“Eh, what’re you back for?” The old man slurred. 

You rolled your eyes playfully. “I brought a friend to my favorite place in the city.” You poured Ushijima and yourself a glass of water. 

“Ah,” the old man scoffed, he looked Ushijima up and down as if he were appraising a horse. “He looks like he can eat.” The old man nodded his head in approval. 

“I require a proper diet in order to play volleyball.” Ushijima said, almost in agreement, not knowing what else to say.” 

“Well yer’ fella’ over here better walk you home, remember what I told you about walking through the maze of alleys at night.” 

You giggled, “ Sure thing, Pops, I’ll make sure he gets home alright.” You joked. 

The old man emoted something between a growl and a chuckle at you as he got to fixing your orders. There were a few other people in the shop. Salary men, some teenagers in sports clothes, other than that, it was deserted. Sitting at the counter with your backs to everyone else, it really felt like you and Ushijima had the whole place to yourself. You glanced around at the pictures on the walls. Black and white, color, all yellowing inside their protective frames. Pictures of the old man, and presumably his wife, an occasional snapshot had a child or two in it. Temples, shrines, landmarks. Over the years, the experience and memories of the old man were captured on film. 

It was the closest thing to a home you could find in the city. After your first time there, you couldn’t help but go back time and time again. Over the months, the old man had opened up about the shop. It had been in his family for three generations. While he still worked there, the title was passed on to his daughter years prior, and after his granddaughter found out what she wanted to do in life, after going to a university and finding herself, maybe it would go on to her. But for now, it was just the old man’s shop. You hadn’t taken any of your friends, not even your roommate to this shop. It was your own secret hideaway in a city where nothing was familiar. 

Sharing with Ushijima, it felt like a big step. You hoped he would understand how much you trusted him by taking him there. “This is my place,” you said, sipping your water, “Pops, the ramen, everything here, it’s the only place in this city where I feel at home, you understand?” Sure, maybe some people would have thought it was silly to be so sentimental over a ramen shop, but this was  _ your  _ ramen shop. Without a word, Ushijima nodded his head in understanding and smiled at you. 

“One day, it can become our place.” He said, sliding a hand over yours on the table. You grinned back at him, not brushing his hand away. Somehow, the thought of being there, the two of you, didn’t seem so bad. 

* * *

Ushijima walked you back to your dorm. It was late, you had class the next day, and Ushijima had practice. Your stomach was full of hungry locusts. Even though you hadn’t felt hungry, you could feel them gnawing at the ramen in your stomach, devouring it all. 

Despite popular belief, Ushijima did have a sense of humor, though hard to spot when you first met him. You couldn’t help but try to get him to laugh. The way his mouth curled, the glinting of his teeth between his lips, it was the most attractive thing you had probably ever seen. The jokes you told him, words that flew off your tongue, they easily evoked a grin from Ushijima. The two of you laughed at something stupid, you stumbled along the sidewalk, the tears in your eyes distorting your vision. You grabbed onto Ushijima’s arm so you didn’t fall. You fell into another laughing fit as ushijima did his best to steady you as you continued walking towards your dorm. You were out of breath when the two of you reached the steps of your dorm. You stood on one step, letting go of his arm. 

He reached out to grab your hand. You looked at him blankly as he wiped a tear away from your eye with his thumb and pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of your head. He gave you a pat on the head before smiling at you tenderly and saying “goodnight.” 

  
  


You stood there, touching the place on your forehead where he had kissed you, utterly unable to move.  _ “What just happened?”  _ You thought. 


	4. Nest of Wasps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My midterms are over and I got an A on my design midterm! Anyways, in respects to this chapter I have kinda been all over the place of when/where I write so just let me know if it seems disjointed? I am having a weird time in college. But yeah, I am doing my best and I am going to try and write more during my little break tomorrow. Probably won't update in a while?
> 
> Yeah, I am realizing that people change a lot in the first two months of college so get ready for that content.

The sky was a charcoal grey when you woke up. It was too early for class, but your body wouldn’t let you rest any longer. You sat on the steps of your building holding a cup of coffee in your hands. The morning was chilly, but it felt really nice when you were all bundled up in your jacket and a scarf. With every sip, you could feel the coffee traveling through your digestive system. You couldn’t see the sun when it rose, your building faced the west. But you knew the sun was rising when the watercolor grey slowly started to fill with color. Washed-out oranges and rosy pinks flooded the sky around you as you had your back to the sun. It was serene, you lost yourself staring at the sky. There was comfort to be found in being the only one awake in a silent, frosty morning. You watched the clouds perk up on their slow hike across the sky. Glowing orange and yellow in the sun’s rays. 

You heard them before you saw the jogger running across the sidewalk a ways away from your dorm. You tore your gaze from the sky and looked towards the origin of the sound. Squinting, it took you a few seconds to discern the figure making its way towards you. “Ushijima!” You called out to him, he turned towards you. He still didn’t listen to music on his runs. He changed directions and crossed diagonally over the grass to greet you. 

“You woke up early.” He commented, ending his trot at the foot of the steps. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” you shrugged, looking up at him. 

“Do you want to go on a run?” He asked, face as stoic as ever but his eyes looked hopeful. 

You had never really been one for morning runs, but the glint in his eye made you huff out a hesitant “Sure.” 

It took you all of five minutes to change into something more appropriate for running. It was chilly, and when you met Ushijima on the steps, you shivered. 

“Let’s go.” He nodded at you. 

At first, you tried to keep up with him. That was a big mistake. His stamina and speed (not to mention his long legs), pushed him so much farther than yours could in twice the time. He was a few meters ahead of you when he turned around and saw you struggling to keep up. Ushijima was never one to look back, but when it came to you, he wouldn’t mind slowing down for a bit. He guided you through his normal morning route through campus. You watched the professors arrive on campus and the poor saps with classes at eight lumber out of their dorms to the dining hall. On occasion, the two of you would see another athlete. You watched the campus come alive in the morning, section by section. 

It took you a while, but the two of you came full circle back to the steps of your dorm. You were panting and sweaty when you plopped down on the steps. Ushijima looked down at you, offering you the towel he had draped across his neck. You accepted it before sending him a glare. How the hell had he not broken a sweat the whole run? You were jealous. He slowly sunk down next to you, he paused for a moment before he sat down, as if he wasn’t exactly sure just how close he should sit next to you. You sprawled out on the steps and leaned back on your elbows. You opened your mouth to speak, but a student exited your dorm and you were momentarily distracted. 

Ushijima looked at you expectantly, waiting to hear what you had to say. You smiled at him after a few moments and shook your head like the idea was silly. “I’m sorry I slowed you down today.” You apologized instead. 

“I have never liked running with other people much,” he said, rather introspectively, “but if I am to run with someone, I want it to be you.” You felt your cheeks heat up at the sudden declaration. You buried your face in the towel. 

“How can you say something so embarrassing with such a straight face?” You asked, peeking one eye from out of the towel. 

He cocked his head to the side. “Is it embarrassing? It was only the truth.” 

You sighed. “Somehow,” you began, dropping the towel into your lap, “it’s even more embarrassing when you say it like that.” 

He looked at you for a moment, and when you finally looked at him, he blushed, darting his gaze away from you for only a second before deciding to fixate on you once more. 

You opened your mouth to say something, but the clock across the lawn, in the center of campus rang seven times, cutting you off before you could say anything. Ushijima stood and dusted himself off, reaching a hand out to you. 

“I have to get ready for a lecture.” He pulled you up.   


“Ah, okay.” 

“You were going to say something?” He looked down at you. You only shook your head and stepped up backwards onto the steps. 

“I’ll see you tonight.” 

He smiled a little bit at you before responding. “Yes, I will meet you here tonight.” 

* * *

The next morning, you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. Mistaking it for your alarm, you picked up your phone to shut it off without so much as opening your eyes. When a gravelly “hello” came from the speaker of your phone, you nearly had a heart attack. You jolted awake and sat up in bed, checking the time on your phone. 

“Ushijima, it’s hella early on a Friday morning, what’s wrong.” 

“Wrong?” He paused to think, “Why would something be be wrong, I was calling to ask if you wanted to go on a run with me. I am outside your building.” You pulled yourself out of bed and poked your finger in the venetian blinds. Sure enough, Ushijima was standing by the steps outside the front of your dorm, facing the clock in the center of campus. 

Did you want to go for a run? No, not really. All you wanted was to fall asleep, alas, after the scare Ushijima had given you, could you really go back to sleep at this point? Not very likely. You balanced the phone on your shoulder as you shimmied out of your pajamas and sighed. “Okay, fine, but we are _ not _running as fast as we did yesterday.” 

Ushijima grunted into the phone and said goodbye before hanging up. 

You pulled your hair from your face as you walked past the mirror. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes but didn’t even bother to wash your face. After you came back all sweaty, you’d only have to shower again. Plus, it was only Ushijima, he’d like you regardless of whether or not you washed your face. You dug out a tee shirt and some exercise shorts as you took another breath. 

You couldn’t believe Ushijima was managing to get you to go on a run with him. You bent down to slip on your socks and tie your shoes securely. You exited your dorm quietly, doing your best to not wake up your roommate. 

* * *

As much as you didn’t expect to like this morning jog, it was bearable. Ushijima seemed to have made an executive decision to match your pace instead of racing ahead. It was rather sweet of him, all things considered. He had even brought an extra water bottle for you. 

It made you wonder for a moment. If you hadn’t agreed to go on this run with him, would Ushijima have gone on the jog alone, carrying two water bottles? The notion made you chuckle, temporarily altering your breathing and causing you to lose your pace. 

“Are you alright?” Ushijima asked, slowing to a halt and raising a hand out to you as if he thought you were going to faint. 

“Yeah,” you wheezed, regretting finding the thought so funny. “I just messed up my breathing a bit, that’s all,” you said it, too embarrassed to tell the truth because it wasn’t as funny as you had originally thought. 

He grabbed your hand in one of his and placed his other hand flat on your back, stabilizing you. He brought your hand to your chest. “Close your eyes.” He said gently, so much so that you couldn’t help but obey. “Take deep breaths in and out.” You felt your eyelids slide shut. “In through the nose and out through the mouth,” he instructed in his low, calming voice. 

You could feel your heartbeat pounding in your chest, into your hand. “I don’t think it’s working, Ushijima.” You said, looking up at him, your cheeks were buzzing and warm. 

He cocked his head to one side as you slide your hand from under his and held his hand to your chest. “That’s odd,” Ushijima began, furrowing his brows quizzically, “usually, the heart rate should go down, but yours is increasing.” 

The way he was looking at you. Oh, the way he was looking at you; concern laden in his eyes, eyebrows knitted, biting his bottom lip. You felt as if you would faint if he stayed like that just a little bit longer. 

_ “Yeah, and if you keep looking at me with that face my heart might as well just explode.” _You thought, limp in his arms. 

* * *

Though the two of you managed to resume your exercise, that still didn’t mean you were any less distracted the rest of the day. Throughout all of you classes, the only thing you could think about was Ushijima. His hands, his eyes, the way his eyebrows wrinkled with worry, his voice that made you melt, and the lips that you knew fit so well with yours. 

Everything about Ushijima Wakatoshi was distracting, and now that he was back in your life, there was a part of you that couldn’t get enough of him. You didn’t notice that class was over until the lecture hall was predominantly empty. You blinked, shaking your head a few times as if to snap yourself out of it. How had a three hour lecture gone by in the blink of an eye when all you were doing is daydreaming? 

You mentally scolded yourself as you gathered your belongings. You shouldn’t be thinking about Ushijima, otherwise, what was the point of going to class and paying for college if all you were doing was thinking about a boy. 

Though, at this point, it was hard to call Ushijima a boy, he was a man. He was not just any man, he was a man who you had lots of experience with and haunted you of a not-so-pristine past. You needed to snap out of it.

The walk back to your dorm from class proved to be rather a blur. The only thing you could think about was Ushijima. Your body was on autopilot, looking straight ahead but not really seeing anything. You walked straight to the steps but misjudged your step and tripped forward. You heard thudding and then you weren’t falling anymore. 

You opened your eyes, relaxing your body that had tensed in preparation for pain. You looked up at Ushijima, holding you awkwardly in his arms. Sure, he was athletic and fast, but he had barely managed to catch you on your way down. Your heart raced, your palms started to become clammy. You were dizzy, you felt sleepless. Ushijima readjusted you in his arms from your awkward position to a fireman’s carry. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, you could see the same worry in his eyes. Was it bad that you liked to see him like that? Because if you could help it, you might like it if he made that face all day. 

“Uh,” you blinked for a moment, you rubbed your eyes, still in Ushijima’s arms, “yeah, I’m fine, I guess I’ve just been a little out of it lately.” Ushijima set you down after you gave him a few more lines of reassurance that you were, indeed, okay. 

The two of you sat on the stairs, this time Ushijima had brought egg salad sandwiches from the convenience store on the edge of campus. Egg Salad is egg salad, but he had also brought some other snacks along with it. You opened the package and gave him half of the sandwich before the two of you started chowing down. It was an odd sort of habit the two of you were getting into, having casual picnics on the steps in front of your dorm while people were still milling around campus. Soon you were going to have to worry if Ushijima would run out of new things to bring you. 

* * *

You asked him about his classes, he asked you about your day. Of course, the two of you made it to the subject of volleyball. It was one of your rules back before, in the beginning of your relationship, when the two of you were less casual and more caught up in keeping a professional relationship with each other, that you not talk about your school life and other important things. Somewhere along the way, the two of you had relaxed and shared more private matters, like struggling with a certain teacher’s class, or not understanding certain jokes. It made you feel a bit empty when you thought about the fact that, if neither of you had taken that chance, you would never had known anything about Ushijima. 

Still, the lines on where your feelings for Ushijima lied were cloudy. Was it a crush? Was it love? Another likely possibility, you pondered whether or not this was just the power of suggestion. But could the power of suggestion make your cheeks burn, your palms sweat? Could mere suggestion make your heart beat like an angry nest of wasps whenever Ushijima got to close? You weren’t sure, but sooner or later, you were bound to find out. 

Today you decided it was okay to let him come up to your room. You knew Ushijima and his boundaries, and you trusted him. Somehow, the two of you had never made it to your place before. It was always a hotel or his house. Now that you were in college, living (somewhat) independently, you felt okay to invite him into a more personal part of your life, especially since the two of you had been reinventing your relationship. You looked at him as you made it to the end of the three flights that would take you to the third floor of your dorm. He hadn’t so much as broken a sweat, making you feel out of shape, considering you went up and down the stairs multiple times a day for the past few months and still found it a bit bothersome from time to time. 

You took the lead in the hallway, guiding him towards the end of the hall where your dorm was. When you stopped at the door and turned your key in the door, Ushijima looked at you expectantly. As if all of the sudden he realized how important it was for you to be introducing him into your space. 

He was a special guy, more than just your friend, superseding the lovers dynamic you had before, but somehow not quite boyfriend material. You really cherished him, Ushijima, though unintentionally, had become a big part of your college life in these past few months. You had no idea what kind of person you would be if you hadn’t miraculously ended up at the same university. You looked back at him, pushing your door open. 

Honestly, your room could have been a lot neater, but it wasn’t like either of you (you or your roommate, that is) were expecting company. Ushijima said nothing for a while as you set your stuff down and tried to play it cool, pretending like going through your everyday coming-home routine would minimize the fact that you were alone in a room with a bed with a guy you used to have sex with and kind of wanted to kiss at the moment. 

You brushed those thoughts away. Kissing Ushijima was not on the agenda today. You sat on the bed, next to your pillows, and motioned for him to follow suit. Ushijima sunk into the bed next to you, setting his bag down on the floor at the foot of the bed. Not knowing what to do, you drew your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them. 

“Are you uncomfortable with me being here?” He asked, rather uncharacteristically. 

You blinked at him for a moment. Was he serious? “No, why would I be?” He was a man who had seen you naked, you had invited him into your room voluntarily. 

He shrugged. Sure, it felt a bit awkward. Ushijima was a large man, he looked bulky and out of place in your tiny dorm room. You wondered if he was even able to sleep in the beds on campus or if he was in some sort of special athlete room (because that’s a thing, athlete size). “You just seem,” he paused to look at you curled up against your pillows, “withdrawn.” You released your arms and looked up into his eyes. It did seem like you were retreating, you supposed. Really, you were just comfortable with your bed, and your room, and with Ushijima too; but when confronted with all three at the same time, it was a little bit overwhelming. 

You sat up straighter and sat criss-cross on the bed. “It’s not that I just….,” you trailed off. He raised his brow quizzically. You sighed. “I don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling.” You looked down into your lap, almost defeated. 

“I can leave if you would like,” Ushijima provided, “if that is what would make you feel more comfortable.” He started to rise. 

You reached out and touched his hand lightly, afraid of any more weighty gestures at the moment. “No, I want you to stay. It’s fine, really, I mean, I am just all out of sorts. Y’know, college?” You said it too fast, rushed, almost pathetically scrambling for excuses to get Ushijima to stay. 

Ushijima nodded his head, looking like he wasn’t entirely convinced, but still sat back down in the bed. 

Silence ensued for the following five minutes. You could hear the clock on your roommate’s desk ticking away. “I know!” You said it so loudly and abruptly, it nearly shook all 189 cm of him out of his skin. “Why don’t we watch a movie?”


	5. A Troupe of Dragonflies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYONE! Hi I haven't been feeling good but I got this random burst of energy to write and I have no clue if this is any good but I am THRIVING at the moment. I am doing really good in school and I have a lot of friends but I am still sad, I am working on it. I hope everyone else is doing well. 
> 
> I really don't know what is going on in this chapter with the protagonist's emotions, but hell neither does she, welcome to college!

Ushijima looked out the window as people walked across campus, it was cold, a bit miserable, and it was starting to drizzle. The two of you were warm though. The heat was on, your bed was a comfortable nest of blankets and pillows, and the smell of your roommate’s caramel air freshener wafted around the room. You propped your laptop on a pillow at the foot of your bed, hunching over it to decide what type of movie the two of you should watch. 

On one hand, the type of movie would impact the kind of evening the two of you would have, but on the other hand you definitely weren’t going to let Ushijima pick (normally he picked a documentary, total snooze fest). You scanned through some of your options before choosing a lighthearted comedy movie, which, despite popular belief, Ushijima actually enjoyed. You hit play on the movie and leaned back in the pillows next to Ushijima, closer to him than the two of you had been sitting previously. You spread a blanket over the both of you and leaned your head close enough to his shoulder for him to feel your body heat, but just shy of physical interaction. You didn’t think about the movie the entire time it was on. The only thing on your mind was remembering how good it felt when Ushijima held you in his arms. It was rare and fleeting the way the two of you were before, but now… You were wondering, maybe, if Ushijima was still comfortable with it, if the two of you could cuddle. 

It was rare. Cuddling was such an intimate thing for the two of you to do. Before, touching had only been part of a sexual routine, devoid of any kind of romanticism. Part of you was really interested in seeing Ushijima in a softer light. You knew, from the last time you had sex with him, that Ushijima was good at taking care of people, even if he didn’t always present himself that way. You couldn’t always tell what he was feeling, and before the break between you two, he was acting a bit odd, but you figured his heart was in the right place. The tenderness inside of him was new to you, and though he had difficulty showing you how he felt all of the time, you knew that Ushijima would never try to do anything to you that you didn’t want. 

You didn’t want anything more, but if Ushijima put an arm around you at that moment, you certainly wouldn't protest. He was comforting. The idea of being someone you knew so well was alluring. However, there was also the terror that you were experiencing since coming to college. You weren’t the same person as you were before. Even though it hadn’t been more than a few months since leaving high school, Ushijima was different too. 

You looked over at him. He was more considerate, he communicated a bit better. Personally, the time on the roof had scared you. He had been forceful and manic. Seeing him laying next to you in bed, he was focused on the movie, the corners of his mouth curling up slightly at the jokes. You couldn’t help but wonder why he still liked you. He had months to find someone else, someone better, someone who knew what they wanted. Yet here he was, going back to a girl that he couldn’t have in high school. 

For a moment, time stopped. You wanted nothing more but to sit there and study him, relaxed, in his natural state. His stone face melted and soft, beautiful. There was nothing more sunning in the world than he was in that moment. Though, when time started back, he did something unexpected. He looked up at you. Being close to him meant that there was nowhere to hide when he caught you staring. He had a funny little smile pulling at the left corner of his lips when he made eye contact. His eyes twinkled and you leaned in. 

* * *

If you could have redone all of the kisses you had ever had with Ushijima to experience this moment over again, you would seriously consider it. Never before had you felt so much tenderness and care in a single kiss your entire life. You felt warm, safe, his arms circled around you and he ran a thumb gently over your cheek. This was the love an affection you had craved your whole life. 

If you could start over again, what would your relationship with Ushijima be? If you had a crush on him once, would it happen again? Within this kiss, there was a myriad of questions buzzing around in your head, none with clear answers, but for sure, his kiss was like lightning. A kiss like that wouldn’t strike twice, but boy did you want it to. 

When the two of you finally pulled away, the credits rolled on the screen of your laptop. They were negligible, inane background scenery. The only vibrant thing in the world was the buzzing in your cheeks, the giddiness in your gut, and the warm, sweaty nervousness of anxiety. You couldn’t recall being that affected by a kiss before in your life. 

Ushijima traced your facial features with his thumb, looking at you with nothing short of adoration and admiration. “I love you,” he said. Three little words that sent your life crashing. 

* * *

You hadn’t said anything immediately, not in the moment. Having Ushijima kiss you like that, staring into your eyes, claiming to love you, really had done one over on you. It was all you thought about for the whole weekend, the beginning of the week. Going to classes, eating meals, all of it to end up on your dorm steps in the evening and awaiting Ushijima’s complementary postmate service. 

You cherished him, you really did. He was all you wanted in a partner and then some. On top of that, he was becoming more considerate, more attentive. You knew it was you he was doing it for, and how could you not feel special and admired when someone was doing something like that for you? In the same manner, how could you not want to like someone who was so committed to you? 

This wasn’t head-over-heels puppy love that teenage girls are so often prone to fawning over. This ran deep, cool, like an icy river through a ravine, or an iceberg. It wasn’t just burning hot with temporary passion. It was difficult for you to understand. You were young, inexperienced when it came to matters of genuine care and love. When Ushijima looked at you with his eyes olive and starry, it was like looking into a bottomless pit. Nothing could exist outside of that endless admiration he held for you. It bewildered and intimidated you. 

Sometimes you caught yourself thinking about what it would be like to be in love with him. Maybe it would work. You had never truly been in love, at least, you assumed you hadn’t. The way Ushijima made you feel was intoxicating. You were confused yet allured. Did you like him, or did you just like the idea of him? Perhaps it was worth a shot, but was it worth risking the newfound friendship the two of you had forged over the past few months. 

Still, you knew that the only reason Ushijima was being so friendly towards you was because he liked you. So when Ushijima kissed you, it was more than a simple kiss. 

You took another bite of your tuna fish sandwich. It was getting cold, soon the two of you would have to sit in the lobby of your dorm building or something. You shivered, just thinking of how cold it was made you feel even more frigid. 

Ushijima popped another pretzel in his mouth, looking at you decidedly softly when he pulled his arms out of the sleeves of his fleece jacket and draped it over you, tucking it around your neck and pulling it closed at your waist. 

His breath made smoky little puffs when he breathed, like a factory. Warm, durable, strong. He was always going, you figured that was why he didn’t mind not wearing a jacket. You leaned on him, finishing your half of the sandwich and brushing the crumbs off your hands. You thought carefully before opening your mouth. “How can you say ‘I love you’ to someone you know won’t say it back?” You said, observing him under scrutiny. 

He looked right back at you, thoughtfully. It took him all of four seconds to respond. “I do not know if you will say it back, but I do not know that you won’t.” He responded firmly, then gave you a smile when you looked confused. “You have a way of always surprising me, even when you aren’t trying to.” 

You laughed a little bit. “That should be my line.” 

“Besides,” Ushijima said, then looked over to the lamp post next to the sidewalk across from your dorm, “how would you ever know I loved you if I didn’t tell you?” 

_ “Curse him and his stupid cute face, and his stupid shoujo-anime-like responses. Bitch, I’ll kiss you.”  _ You thought, but all you ended up doing was nodding your head and proceeding to get up. If you stayed out there any longer, with Ushijima being kind and caring like he was, you were afraid that you would lose yourself and kiss him again. 

That reminded you, you had never actually brought up that kiss since the other night. You looked around and sighed, now was as good of time as ever. 

“Hey, Ushijima,” you began, rubbing the nape of your neck, looking away from him. He looked up at you, his face was the same as ever, but you could tell he was at least a little bit expectant. “About the other night, when we kissed…” You trailed off, looking for words to say. You brought your hands down and fiddled with your fingers. “I am not sure how I feel about you anymore, I really didn’t want to like you in high school, but things are different now.” You said slowly, not quite understanding what you were saying or why. You glanced down at him, his enormous figure still hunched down on the steps. You quickly looked away before finishing, “Ushijima, I care about you, I really do, but you are going to have to be patient with me. I don’t know what I want right now.” 

You knew what he would say, somehow, before he had even said it. After all, he had waited this long for you and his feelings hadn’t faded. “I will wait as long as you need, and respect whatever decision you make.” 

Ah yes, the line that would make any woman swoon, he really needed to stop being so considerate before you kissed him. 

You stuck out your arm to help him up off the steps. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said. 

“Tomorrow.” Ushijima confirmed, standing facing you, slowly releasing your hand. As you walked away, he stood on the steps and watched to make sure you got into your dorm alright before he turned to leave as well. 

  
_ “Tomorrow,”  _ you thought, dreading all of the thoughts that would surely keep you up that night. 


	6. Praying Mantes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to finish writing this chapter and I hope I can get to writing the next chapter before finals week next week. I have been going through a lot of sexual stuff and smut is somewhat hard to write currently so bear with me. The date will continue in the next chapter!
> 
> I hope everyone had a great fall and is looking forward to the winter holidays.

You had a really bad habit of thinking about Ushijima now. Sure, he often took up space in your mind, but this time was different. Not only were you thinking about him during lectures and before you went to bed, but now you were thinking about him in the shower. Shower time, after all, was thinking time. And Ushijima gave you no shortage of things to think about at that time. You could remember things about him that you didn’t even know you could recall. Even when you lathered your body with soap, you could still smell his scent. With your eyes closed, you could still see the tender and concerned way Ushijima would look at you. 

You could vividly recall having sex with him over the course of the past school year. That was all well and good. It was hot, satisfying, it sparked a warm churning in your abdomen. Even so, what really got you was the last time you had sex with Ushijima. No matter how many times the two of you had sex before, oral had always seemed like a more intimate and off-limits sort of a delicious ordeal that you and Ushijima would never know. 

Ever since you had gotten a taste of it, well you couldn’t quite get it out of your mind. Until Ushijima, you couldn’t recall whether or not you had ever felt so soft, so raw, the feeling of being utterly naked for the first time. Your body was stripped not only of clothes, but all of your feelings were laid bare. Never in your life had you felt more emotionally vulnerable. You kind of liked it, to the point where liking it would be an understatement. 

The hot water ran over your body in the most sensual way, rubbin the suds across your chest and sighing. There was nothing you craved more in that moment than Ushijima’s hands on your body. Strong arms wrapping around you, lips pressed firmly against your neck, the feeling of his muscles against your back, it was all too much. You reached down and rubbed your legs together as you washed your legs. The warm, soapy water felt good running over your body. As good as you felt, you thought this might be one of those times that you regretted having a roommate. As much as your roommate was never in the room, you still felt weird at buying sex toys and the like. Part of you would have felt guilty if you knew you had them in the presence of your oblivious roommate. Somewhere, deep down, maybe like  _ really  _ deep down, the thought excited you more. After all, you hadn’t gotten off in quite a while, so a lot of things were sexy to you at the moment. 

You had hugged him, gently, friendly, since coming to university, but it wasn't the same considering the last time you had him (talk about going out with a bang). All you could think about was Ushijima, his scent, his warmth, the way his mouth was careful and he could make you see stars. If you weren’t careful, you could taste his name in your mouth. That was a dangerous place to be. When you were with him more casually, you didn’t think much about him outside of when you saw him. You urges were not at all connected to him. Now, he was all you could think about, it warmed up the pit of your stomach and made the back of your skull tingle when you so much as thought of him 

You massaged yourself slowly, gently, the way Ushijima would have, careful to be attentive. Your back hit the wall off the shower as your circles grew more firm on your clit. You could remember the way he sounded the last time he was with you. So poised, yet he was also unraveling at the sight of having you at his disposal. Honestly, he could have done anything to you. He could have used you to get himself off and then discard you. The fact that he didn’t, the fact that when given the option, he chose to take care of you, to put you first and make you feel like a priority, bothered you. You never thought Ushijima would ever care enough about anything except volleyball, to give it such serious concentration. 

You could remember when he began, when the calloused pads of his thumb ran across your clit, his brows knitted together in intense concentration. You could see him relax a bit when he heard a noise of gratification. Not to mention, when he used his tongue on you for the first time, the instant enthusiasm that came along with your moans of encouragement. His steady, almost punishing rhythm as his mouth closed over your nub was enough to make you gasp. 

Your eyes flew open and your free hand went to your mouth. The steamy water still streamed down your body. You couldn’t tell if you had made that noise in your head or out loud. Regardless of whether it was what you originally intended to do or not, you were getting off to Ushijima when he wasn’t even there. As strange as it felt, you didn’t want to stop. The thought of Ushijima and everything about it was enough to bring you to the brink. You continued your motions, knowing just how to move so that you would feel right. Your head knocked back slowly and you back arched, you stifled a moan into your hand while the other was hard at work pushing you over the edge. 

For a few moments, while your knees shook like jello in an earthquake, and your breath was as ragged as a dog in the summer, you leaned against the wall still to collect yourself. Once you were more sure of yourself, you stood more directly under the stream of the shower to get a final rinse before shutting off the tap. A mixture of shame and ecstasy washed over you as you dried off. You couldn’t believe that you thought of Ushijima in order to get off, but another part of you wondered how you had gone all that time without doing it sooner. 

You didn’t quite know what it meant or exactly how it would impact the future of your relationship with Ushijima. Could you look at him the same now? Sure, he was someone you used to have sex with frequently, but now, he was different. A few months can change people, especially in college. Sure, Ushijima was still the same man that took volleyball and academics seriously, almost to a punishing extent. However, there was a new maturity, a deepness to Ushijima that pushed the envelope when it came to his curiosity. He was no longer a mechanical man, driven to do good in school and sports, but he was beginning to venture out and find out what made him happy. This new Ushijima was still a man you were getting used to. In a way, your intrigue about this new person he had become, it superseded your caution and wariness of new and uncharted experiences. Ushijima wasn’t the same person he once was, and neither were you.

Even so, that gave you no excuse to get off to his memory of what he was. There was a knot in your stomach, but not the same way as before. You wrapped your towel around you and began drying your hair. You looked at yourself in the mirror. What could he possibly see in you besides your body? It crushed you, to think that Ushijima, once upon a time the most dense person you had ever met, could see something in you that you couldn’t even see in yourself. You turned off the blow dryer and ran the brush through your hair one last time before exiting the bathroom. 

What did he see in you? 

* * *

The next time you saw Ushijima, you couldn’t help but blush. Still, anyone would blush if they saw a man like Ushijima sweaty and in the gym, pulling up the hem of his shirt to wipe the perspiration off of his face. You swooned for a moment, staring at him. He raised a brow at you as he dropped his shirt back down. Your cheeks heated up even more at being caught. 

“So why did you call me out here?” You asked, clearing your throat and setting your jacket down on the bench by the sidelines. It was way too hot in the gym, even if it was freezing outside. Technically,  _ technically _ , you weren’t supposed to wear outdoor shoes on the floor of the gym, but nothing could get off your tightly fastened winter boots at this point. You looked back up from your feet. 

“I was thinking,” he paused, picking up a volleyball. For a split second, you choked down the urge to say some sort of snarky remark. “If you are comfortable, would you like to come to my place for dinner tonight?” This was a bold move for Ushijima, obviously one he would be planning for a while. Ushijima was cautious on and off the court, he wouldn’t have asked you if he thought you weren’t okay with the idea. Ushijima always managed to amaze you. The first thing you found about this new person he was becoming was that he was even more sensitive to your little signs. He was observant before, but now? It was like the only thing in his mind was you. 

“Um,” you stuttered, taken aback, “sure.” You found it a bit strange for him to call you out to the gym, sure, but you weren’t exactly expecting Ushijima to offer you a meal at his place. Hell, you didn’t even know where he lived. “You asked me to walk all the way to the gym from the other side of campus just to ask that?” You couldn’t help but snicker. 

“Well,” he put another volleyball back into the wheelie basket and squinted at you, “I figured that this way you would have minimal internal stress while also being forced to confront the decision without delay.” You rolled your eyes. What was he now, a psychologist? Ushijima pushed the cart over to the equipment closet and closed the door. “Oh, if you don’t mind, I can wash up before we go?” He asked. 

He was now standing in front of you. You could smell his deodorant and sweat, normally a gross scent, but it reminded you of the quickies the two of you had in between matches in high school. The smell would drive you wild, you knew that much. You could already feel your cheeks warming and your insides buzzing in excitement. “Uh, yes, sure, that’s totally cool!” you said in a mash of sounds that made almost no sense. 

* * *

Ushijima’s apartment was nice and warm in comparison to the chilly autumnal wind outside. He brought out a pair of cheap guest slippers for you and hung your coat up by the door. It was a very small apartment, what you expected from a student’s home. It reminded you of the dorms back at Shiratorizawa, but with a kitchen. The kitchen was cramped and you could walk straight through it towards the bedroom/living area. There was a bare curtain rod hung in the doorway between the kitchen and the bedroom, Ushijima obviously didn’t care much to invest in unnecessary decor. You took your time letting your eyes scan around the apartment.

“Make yourself at home,” Ushijima said, making a beeline to the wall where oven mitts and an apron was hung. 

You hummed absentmindedly, only half-listening. You crossed into the bedroom without even thinking. He had bookcases that were filled, but selectively. His desk was neat and orderly, the same way you remembered it being in high school. He had none of his volleyball awards displayed, but he did have a picture of his whole team at their last game sat on the small windowsill along with a thriving bamboo plant. There was an oversized reading chair in the corner with a little table next to it, you couldn’t imagine Ushijima ever actually using it. There were a couple of bare floating shelves by the window as well as a small grey cushion on the windowsill. You thought that was rather odd, but Ushijima rarely did anything without reason. 

His bed was clean and neatly made with several comforters and blankets, and added decadence that you didn’t think he was capable of. It smelled like him everywhere you turned. This is where Ushijima lived, this was where he existed outside of school and you. It all looked tidy and well-kept, as expected of him. There were, overall, no extravagant add-ons, he probably didn’t spend all that much time there, or so you assumed. 

Ushijima peeked his head around the doorway of the kitchen and called out to you, asking if you would like some wine. Ushijima, not even twenty yet, should not have had any wine, but here he was. You had no idea what he was cooking, but it already smelled divine. You walked back into the kitchen and sat down in one of the stout stools at the narrow dining table. Ushijima poured a generous glass of wine for you and himself. The two of you clinked your glasses together in cheers before taking a sip. “This place looks exactly like I expected,” you set your wine glass on the table. 

“I cannot tell whether that is a compliment or not.” Ushijima had a small smile playing at his lips and looked down adoringly at his feet, much to your confusion. It all made sense when you saw a black and orange calico cat weaving in between his legs as he stood in front of the stove. 

“Aww, hey pretty baby!” You cooed when you first saw it. “Pispispis.” You called for her, extending your arm and reaching out for her. The cat ignored you and lept on the stool on the other side of the kitchen table before peeking over the tabletop at you curiously. “I didn’t expect you to have a cat.” You admitted. 

“She wasn’t always mine,” Ushijima shrugged, “she kinda came with the place.” Ushijima kept cooking, the smell of savory meat filling the air was enough to make you drool. Though you wouldn’t comment on it, you didn’t expect Ushijima to be able to cook either, especially after so long of living in a dorm and eating only cafeteria food. 

“What’s her name?” You asked, still trying to lure the kitty over to you. 

Ushijima paused for a moment, adding spices or something, honestly you had no clue what the actual fuck he was making. “I do not know what she was named before but I never thought to give her a name.” 

You snorted, of course he wouldn’t think to give the cat a proper name. “Then what do you call her?” 

“I don’t,” he said rather matter-of-factly. “Cats tend not to respond when they are called regardless.” That was the most Ushijima-like response he could have given. 

“Sounds like someone has commitment issues.” You teased, reaching your hand out for the cat to sniff. The cat crept on the side of the table, towards you, jumping into your lap. You pet the cat gently, not trying to scare her away. 

“I do not know why you would think that. I have never given up on anything before.” Your mouth watered, it was getting to a point where you weren’t going to be able to wait for Ushijima to stop cooking if it smelled that good. 

“Certainly didn’t give up on me,” you muttered under your breath, stroking the nameless cat. 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Okay.” 

Ushijima turned off the stove and brought over a dish and a trivet. “Dinner is served.” 


	7. Possi of Junebugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About to go back to college. My roommate is moving out and didn't bother to tell me herself so that says all about that relationship that you need to know. Still that means I will be able to stay up past ten now and write and not worry about annoying anyone. Maybe this means I can write or who knows how much homework I'll get. 2020 is going good so far and i hope it treats you all well.

When Ushijima set the meal on the table, your heart lept. It looked divine, just as good as it smelled. Your mouth watered, you could hardly wait to eat. Ushijima served you first, then himself before grabbing the wine bottle from the counter and setting it on the table between the two of you. The two of you said your blessing before you picked up your fork and attacked your food ravenously (in the least obvious way possible). You groaned, was it possible to marry food? 

“Are you okay?” Ushijima asked, with valid concern. “Your eyes are rolling back in your head?” 

You shook your head. “I’m fine, what is this? It’s delicious!” You brushed it off, like it was normal to act that way. 

Ushijima, accustomed to your odd behaviors and obviously enamored with you despite (or perhaps because of) that, replied with “coq au vin”, and completely ignored the spectacle and proceeded to ask if you wanted more wine. 

“Where did you learn how to cook like this?” You asked. Most of his life spent at Shiratorizawa, you were surprised he had managed to learn how to cook in that time. 

“The internet?” He said, as if it was obvious. 

You rolled your eyes, taking another bite. “You are expecting me to believe you learned how to cook this by looking it up on the internet?” You snorted, taking another sip of wine. 

“You can learn anything on the internet,” Ushijima said solemnly, eating in even, well-spaced bites. 

“Last time you learned something from the internet, you thought a crush was cancer.” You pointed out. 

You meant it to come across as more humorous than it did. Still, this was Ushijima, and his humor was a bit sparse at times. He opened his mouth to speak, you figured it would be something to counter your comment, but all that fell was an awkward silence instead. 

A few seconds passed before you continued skewering your mushrooms with your fork. You knew Ushijima had planned this meal well in advance and was probably reallying trying to impress you. Why else would he have learned to make such an obscure and difficult French dish? 

“It was not just a crush.” He stated, taking another swig of wine and looking at you intently in the eyes. You looked away, unable to stand his gaze. Your cheeks flushed. How could he say something so embarrassing with a straight face?

“I’m sorry.” You muttered. 

“Why are you sorry? We do not get to choose who we fall in love with.” You met his eyes again, they bore into your soul a little bit less. 

You brought your fork up to your mouth and muttered a bit bitterly, “obviously.” 

“What do you mean by that,” he inquired, no hint of anything but pure inquisition. 

“If you could have chosen anyone, it wouldn’t have been me.” You said, somehow managing to take another bite. This may not have been the most appetizing conversation, but the food Ushijima had made would have been a shame to waste. 

He cocked his head a bit as he continued chewing. He found little to no discomfort in discussing such matters at the dinner table. “And why shouldn’t I?” 

You scoffed, gesturing at him with your fork, admittedly a bit rudely. “Look, you and I, we don’t exactly mesh well from outside perspective.” he raised a brow at you as he raised his glass, waiting for you to continue your explanation. “You are volleyball-obsessed, if volleyball was a sentient being, you would marry it.” Ushijima shrugged, he was used to people seeing him only for volleyball, it wasn’t something that bothered him. Other people’s opinions didn’t matter, well, with you as the exception. 

“I wouldn’t go that far.” 

“Besides,” you continued, “I had a crush on you before, and if first-year me had known then what I knew now, I am not sure I would have been as obsessed with you as I was at the time.” 

Ushijima looked at you, a bit puzzled. “You had a crush on me in first-year?” 

“Uh, yeah,” you said with a rather ‘duh’ tone in your voice, “a lot of people have had crushes on you, Ushijima, you have just always been a bit dense to things like that.” 

He looked down a bit. You knew that it bothered him a bit when people assumed he was oblivious, even if he was. It was something he tried to work on, but never made a great deal of effort to show. He didn’t think that showing that would make to much of a difference or impact things greatly. Being outwardly unattached to things and situations often made thing easier for Ushijima to avoid pointless/menial obligations in relationships. 

“Don’t get me wrong.” you said, holding out your glass for Ushijima to pour you another once it had been drained. “Ushijima, you have gotten better by leaps and bounds, but I am pretty sure the only person you cared about in first year was that pretty boy from Aoba Jousai.” 

“If you could,” Ushijima prompted after a few seconds of reflection,”if you could choose who you liked, as you were now, would you choose to fall in love with me?” the audacity Ushijima had surprised you more and more every single day. 

Your mouth gaped before you realized your jaw dropped and you snapped it shut. You truly could not believe some of the things that came out of Ushijima’s mouth sometimes. How could you respond to that? How could anyone respond to that, for that matter? Luckily for you, you didn’t have to. Ushijima’s nameless cat had lept onto the kitchen counter and had sat there pawing at the measuring cups that Ushijima had (uncharacteristically) left out until they knocked onto the kitchen floor with a plasticy clatter. 

“You tanuki,” Ushijima sighed, scooping up the small creature (in proportion to him at least), “we talked about this, no climbing on the counter when there is food out. There was garlic in that, you could have gotten very sick.” He held the cat up in front of his face, the cat, in turn, put their paws on his cheeks. 

You chuckled. “You didn’t give the cat a name because ‘cat’s don’t listen’, still, you had a conversation with your cat about jumping onto counters like it was a person?” You couldn’t help but pull your lips back in a smile. 

Ushjima paused for a second, not understanding what you found so comical about the situation. 

You shook your head, “since it’s such a rascal,” Ushijima set the creature back on the floor, to which it looked behind itself and let out a final meow before running off to the bedroom, “you might as well call it Tanuki, you are going to need a name for it whenever it’s taken to a vet anyways.” You explained it rationally and Ushijima nodded along, he was following. 

Successfully, you could use the cat disaster to springboard and deflect away from Ushijima’s strange question earlier. He had always been bold, but you never imagined how audacious Ushijijma could be if given the right environment. He had always seemed intense, but you had no idea how persistent he could be when he really wanted something. 

The rest of dinner had more lighthearted and comfortable conversation. You helped him wash the dishes after dinner. You shared another glass of wine, it was almost gone. The two of you clinked glasses after everything was cleaned and washed and put away where it was supposed to be. 

You hopped up on the counter and Ushijima leaned on the cabinets next to you. You leaned your head on his shoulder. “Thanks for dinner, Waka- Ushijima.” You caught yourself. You were feeling warm, comfortable. Three glasses of wine was nice. 

“Do you want anything else?” He asked, finishing up and taking yours and his now empty wine glasses over to the sink. 

“Where on earth did you even get wine from?” You asked. Finally asking the good questions, getting the answers you deserved. 

Ushijima wiped out the wine glasses, thinking, his face the same as always but you could see behind it. “A friend on the volleyball team offered to get me some.” 

“That’s a peculiar and illegal offer,” you said. He shrugged. 

“Tendou used to do it all of the time.” You rolled your eyes. Of course he would. 

You sighed, looking around. “Well,” you began after a while, finally finding something to say, “I’m glad you’ve adjusted so well to college, I don’t know why but I thought you would have a hard time.” 

He cocked his head a bit to the side, “Well, you just aren’t that approachable of a person, let’s face it, Ushijima.” You said pointedly. 

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with approaching me?” He said plainly. 

You snorted. “I had the biggest crush on you at the time! I wanted anything I could get from you. Not to mention,” you pointed an accusatory finger at him, “you were not very nice.” 

“I don’t remember anything of the sort.” 

“Every time I approached you, you were too busy to say more that five words at a time!” You laughed. You waved your hand dismissively. “Totally shattered my little first-year heart.” 

“I did?” He asked, looking completely dumbfounded.

You rolled your eyes, “God, how could you not notice all of the girls completely  _ mooning  _ over you, you’re so smart but so,  _ so  _ dense.”

“A lot of people were watching me on the court.” You shrugged, he was right about that. “If had known at the time, it could have changed everything.” 

“Ah, but you didn’t and it didn’t,” you countered. 

He stood in front of you where you sat on the counter and grabbed both of your hands, “I would change it all if I could, If I had known.” 

Your face softened a little, “Ushijima, both of us know we can’t change the past.” Your voice was gentle, maybe a bit mournful. He rested his forehead onto yours. It was warm. 

And then you did something you had been dreaming about doing since the last time you were in the shower. 


	8. Swarm of Lovebugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really tend not to write x readers because it's hard to write something that everyone can relate to (especially because I always felt left out in them). Seeing so many people comment saying that this is a fic they really liked (despite it being an x reader) makes me feel like I am actually writing something that resonates with people rather than people skipping over my story for the smut. I like feeling that I can share my perspective of a character in a way that can make everybody fall in love with him. 
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy your valentine's vibed chapter.

Kissing Ushijima in that moment felt right. Maybe it was something you would regret later, maybe not. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that Ushijima’s lips closed onto yours the moment they touched and that’s what counted. You could smell his deodorant and his musky sweaty scent. He hadn’t showered after practice. He smelled exactly like you had remembered. You ran your fingers over his hair, you always did think his practical haircut suited him. He ran his hands over your back. All the layers you had to wear when it got chilly were becoming cumbersome. Ushijima himself was still wearing the clothes he had worn at practice. He should have been cold on the way back to his house in his bare legs, but he didn’t utter a word of complaint. 

You parted to take in a big breath. He looked at you, heaving. “Why did you do that?” Ushijima asked. Rather unwise of him, if you didn’t know any better, he was trying to get you to snap to your senses. 

You looked up at him, “I’m not entirely sure I just thought,” you stammered, “I thought you would like it, did you not?” 

  
  


He smiled at you, but he still looked concerned. “I enjoyed it immensely, I just wanted to know whether you felt the same or not.” 

“Romantically, no, I don’t think I do. Still, I have been thinking about kissing you, about other  _ things _ , for a while now, and I didn’t think you would mind.” You said, though once you said it out loud, it came across as rather dumb. 

“I am not comfortable with doing anything with you if you are not comfortable.” He took a step back from you. 

You frowned, He frowned. “Look, Ushijima, this is what you wanted, for us to try again?” 

”No, I do not want what we had before, I wanted we never tried before.” Ushijima said. “Things are different, I do not want only your body, I wanted you and everything that comes with it.” 

You stood there, a bit dumbfounded, it was embarrassing, really. “So you don’t want to… have sex with me?” 

“Not now.” Ushijima said, “One day, maybe, but if we could date first and if you could love me, maybe.” 

* * *

It wasn’t easy after that. Every time you saw him, it was embarrassing. You were supposed to be the one in control in that moment. Though Ushijima always had such great restraint, it had always seemed to waver whenever it came to you. You made him vulnerable, you made him weak. In one way or another, it took you the hard way to realize he had the sale affect on you, just in a different way than you had originally thought. You couldn’t believe how you acted. 

It was foolish of you to do that; to have done something like that to him and to have not considered his feelings in anyway. He didn’t deny, he wanted you too, but he was more mature than you had ever anticipated. He loved you, and you were dumb enough to assume that he was content with whatever affection you decided to give him. 

He sat next to you on the steps. He had brought pringles and green tea this time. He was talking to you about exams, but your mind was elsewhere. It was winter now. It was months since you found out Ushijima and you went to the same University, soon the two of you would be in second year. Still, for now, your biggest obstacle ahead was Valentine’s day. 

Being single on Valentine’s Day would push your friends to nudge you towards Ushijima because “you were just so cute together”. All that made you feel like was cornered. Sure, you liked Ushijima, but again, you were uncomfortable and didn’t reciprocate the emotional intimacy that he displayed towards you. 

Against all odds, Ushijima was pursuing you still. You had done yourself up in some capacity, well, done up according to your standards. You would have felt cute like that, if there hadn’t been a pit of anxiety that was struggling to settle in your stomach. It was Valentine’s day, your friends who didn’t have boyfriends wanted to take you out to a party that night. Maybe it was the cold, and maybe it was because you weren’t feeling too great, but you would have rather just curled up in your bed and not leave it for any reason that night. 

It was bothersome enough to have to get chocolates for all of your guy friends, but the one guy in your life that you were mostly not looking forward to hadn’t decided to make an appearance at all that day. For the first time in months, Ushijima hadn’t sent you a text, or called you, or showed up outside of your dorm building while you were on your way back into your building after class. 

Something about his absence didn’t give you the relief that you thought it would. Instead, you felt even more nervous than you had before. You looked at the red foil packaging on your desk as you laid fully clothed in your bed, all done up, but still reluctant to go out. Your roommate wouldn’t be home that night, she had gone over to her boyfriend’s for the night (not that it was any different from any of the other nights she had spent staying over at her boyfriend’s). You sighed, scrolling through Instagram, just trying to waste your time. That resulted in your newsfeed becoming subject to the endless flow of Valentine’s Day romantic photo diarrhea that you had managed to avoid most of the day. You weren’t necessarily jealous, but it was hard when you had spent most of your high school dreaming of, or being with Ushijima on Valentine’s and this was the first time in nearly four years that it was Ushijima-free. 

Your friend texted you, telling you to come outside so that the two of you could go to the party. You should have known better. When you reached outside, it was none other than Ushijima Wakatoshi, waiting on the steps. Part of you said to turn around and go back into your room, to spend Valentine’s Day alone. You didn’t though. Although, it’s not hard to understand why, in a way, you were expecting Ushijima to show up at some point in your day. 

“Why are you here?” You asked, not surprised, but not concealing your confusion. 

Ushijima turned to you, he was all bundled up in his coat. “We are going to the party, aren’t we?” He seemed a bit bewildered that you would even ask. 

“Yeah, but I thought my friend was going to pick me up,” you explained, “ not you.” 

Ushijima cocked his head to the side. “Do you not even consider me a friend?” 

That struck you a bit; you opened your mouth. Sure, Ushijima and you had been friends with benefits, but that’s not the same as being friends. Ever since you started college you and Ushijima had hung out quite a bit though most of that was due to Ushijima figuring out your schedule and showing up at the steps). It was obvious he was trying to win you over the whole time. It wasn’t really friendship, was it? You closed your mouth; you didn’t have a good response. 

If your lack of response bothered him, Ushijima certainly didn’t allude to it. Instead, the two of you continued walking over to the apartment where the party would be. It was a bit nippy and the snow from earlier in the week hadn’t melted. It laid in piles on the sides of the pavement. You pulled your jacket a bit tighter around yourself. Even though you thought you had been prepared for how cold it was, that was obviously not the case. You muttered something under your breath as the two of you crossed the street. You were only a few blocks from the party, you would be fine. 

“What was that?” Ushijima asked. 

You looked up from the ground, not realizing you had said anything out loud to begin with. “Oh,” you paused for a moment, “nothing, just talking to myself.” 

“Are you sure you are alright, you are not sick, are you?” Ushijima asked, reaching out a hand to rest against your forehead. 

You shook your head and continued on. “I am fine, it’s just colder than I originally anticipated.” You explained. One more block to the party. 

“Do you want my jacket?” Ushijima asked, already shrugging it off his shoulders and unzipping it to offer it to you. You shook your head, though you did notice that his outfit underneath was surprisingly more casual and normal than you were used to seeing him wear. It was a bit refreshing and nice. 

After repeatedly reassuring him that you were alright the two of you made it to the door of the apartment. 

You could already hear muffled noises and some music playing on the inside. You knocked on the door and waited expectantly. The door swung open and you were greeted by a familiar face. “Tendou!” You gasped. 

“Ah, see you made it,” he smiled, then he looked over your shoulder at Ushijima standing beside you and his smile turned into that signature smirking grin, “and you brought a  _ guest _ ?” 

“Yeah, Ushijima walked with me here.” You said briefly, hoping to skirt around the subject. You slipped past Tendou and into the party. There you were greeted by some of your friends who brought you around the apartment and told you where to put your coat and then took you into the kitchen to partake in the various snacks and alcohol. There was a box of wine, a few cases of beer, but there was also jungle juice. You had always kept in mind that jungle juice was more dangerous, considering you didn’t know how much alcohol was in any given batch, but it was a safe environment and you knew every person at the party. 

You all were having a good time. People danced in the living room, most of them couples. A few of the girls who didn’t have boyfriends had already found people to latch onto before the night ended. You had lost count of how many cups you had drunk by the time you bumped into Ushijima. You assumed he had been catching up with Tendou and didn’t want to interrupt, not to mention that Tendou had always seemed to know what the two of you were up to in high school. Even though it wasn’t like that anymore, you still wanted to avoid any awkward conversation. 

“Hey,” you said, trying not to slur. He steadied you by your waist so you didn’t topple over onto the floor. 

He looked at you rather softly, “hey.” 

“I haven’t seen you the whole time we’ve been here, have you been having fun?” You were warm and buzzy, it felt like the rush would never end. 

Ushijima nodded his head. “How much have you had to drink?” He asked. 

You shrugged. “I think I have been drinking water, but I’m not sure.” You held your drink up to Ushijima’s lips.

He took the cup from your hands and took a sip. “This is vodka.”

“Oh,” you said dumbly, “I was wondering why it burned a little bit.” 

“We should get you home.” he said. 

You childishly blew a raspberry at him and pouted. “I am having fun though.” 

Ushijima’s eyes widened a bit at this. For a second, you thought he was mad. Instead, he laughed. A loud, hearty laugh. He smiled gently and he was beautiful. For a second you were in love. 

* * *

“My feet hurt!” You whined. 

Ushijima had one arm linked with yours, that you had wrapped yourself around and used to support yourself. “If you knew you were going to be walking, you should have worn more comfortable shoes.” He said it very matter-of-factly and that annoyed you. 

“Wouldn’t it be quicker just to go to your place?” Of course it would be, he only lived three blocks from the party, but Ushijima’s priority was to get you home safely. 

“Do you not want to sleep in your own bed tonight?” 

You thought about it for a moment, your face became a bit more sullen. “I don’t really want to be alone tonight, my roommate is with her boyfriend and all my friends are out.” You clung a little tighter onto his arm. “It’s hard to be alone on Valentine’s day.” 

“It’s just like any other day,” Ushijima said, in a very Ushijima-like manner. 

You chuckled somewhat bitterly. “You haven’t spent Valentine’s alone since second year of high school.” 

The two of you were at his front door. He reached into his pocket to withdraw his keys and turn it into the slot. 

“Pardon the intrusion.” You said. 

* * *

Ushijima let you shower first, laying out some clean clothes to change into when you were finished. You toweled off your hair and pulled on the socks he had given you. His shirt, his boxers, his shampoo. Everything felt like Ushijima. You brought the neck of the shirt up to your nose and took a deep breath in. 

You exited the bathroom and crossed over to the armchair in the corner where Ushijima sat rather reposed. He looked up from his reading glasses at you. He hadn’t seen you wearing his clothes like that in a while. During high school, you had done your best to make a habit of never borrowing his clothes. It made the whole ordeal feel much to intimate. 

“Thanks for letting me stay over.” You had sobered up a bit since showering. Ushijima snapped his book shut and set his glasses down on the table beside him. You walked closer to him and gave him a hug, settling in his lap. “You’re really the best, I couldn’t ask for more.” 

Ushijima did not reciprocate the love, instead he said, “I could be more, we could be more; if you wanted.” 

You pulled back a bit and observed his face. Your heart felt like it was doing a whole gymnastics routine inside your chest. “Ushijima, I’m scared.” 

“What are you afraid of?” He asked, his hands now around you, loosely, almost non present. 

“I am afraid that me loving you, maybe all of this will never be enough.” You looked away, shamefully. 

He smiled gently, tilting your chin up with his hand so you had to look him in the eyes. “There is no way that you would not be enough.”9


	9. Cluster of Katydids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting early because I will have a lot of tests next week before spring break and I want to make sure I don't forget to post over the vacation. I hope everyone is doing well!

Being in Ushijima’s arms felt right. Slotted against each other like a set of spoons. You fit, you were right together. He made you so unbelievably happy. Even though the two of you were taking it slow, it was almost as if you had never felt anything more intimate in your entire life. It was almost too good to be true. First-year you would have lost your mind. 

You turned in bed. It was a lazy Sunday. The two of you had gone out the previous night, spent time with some friends at a restaurant and later came back to fall asleep in each other’s arms. The sun shone brilliantly through Ushijima’s window. He adjusted, pulling you closer to him in bed. You ran a finger over his eyelashes, causing them to twitch before fluttering open. “Your eyes are so pretty.” You whispered, not needing any volume when you could practically hear his heartbeat through your own chest. You saw his eyes dilate as his gaze met yours. Sometimes it was like nobody was more perfect than Ushijima, even when he did something stupid. His eyes closed once more and you pressed your lips to his eyelids gently. 

March was creeping up and the two of you would soon be going home before your second year. Though you already had an apartment and a few roommates lined up for the next semester, you couldn’t help but feel a bit of apprehension in your gut due to moving into a new place. At least, though it hadn’t been intentional, it was only two blocks from Ushijima’s house and around four from your department on campus. As of late, the thoughts and pressures of keeping up rent and having to start a job along with your school work worried you. Ushijima had a sports scholarship, which paid for, in part, his housing. Meanwhile, what did you have? 

  
  


You sighed. “What is wrong?” Ushijima asked, carefully running his hand over the small of your back in a soothing manner. 

You closed your eyes and buried your face in his chest, breathing in as much of his scent as you possibly could. “Nothing, just a passing thought.” 

* * *

Over the break before going back to your second year of college, of course there was plenty of visiting with friends and relatives, updating them about how your college life was going and interesting points in your major. There was so much visiting and planning that it was difficult to see your boyfriend. It was fine by both of you. The night before you left, he had borrowed one of his teammate’s cars and helped you move your stuff into your new apartment. The two of you had passed out, thoroughly exhausted after you had decided (and undecided) several times that you didn’t like where the existing furniture was in the room. It was nice to have time to yourself, but you had to admit you were getting accustomed to seeing Ushijima every day in some manner or another. 

Since the two of you were no longer in the Shiritorizawa dorms or living near campus, the few towns that separated the two of you felt like an ever-growing distance over the ten day break between semesters. 

The break went by too quickly, still, you were glad that you and Ushijima could ride the train back together. Even though he lived a few stations away, neither of you had so much as thought about visiting the other. After all, Ushijima was more pragmatic and figured that it would be easy enough to make up for lost time when you moved into your respective apartments. 

Your stomach jumped when you saw him standing on the platform as the train came to a halt at his station. You grinned widely, he entered the train and even though it was barely noticeable, he was smiling at you too. After knowing Ushijima for so long, you didn’t need big, showy displays of affection to keep you happy. It was easy to be content with the lack of public affection when he would show you just how much he cared for you when the two of you were alone and behind closed doors. 

You could remember White Day, he brought you into his apartment and made another lovely dinner, presenting you with yet another bottle of wine. The two of you kissed passionately, made love, and after one of the most satisfying fucks you had in almost a year, he presented you with a braided chain with a small pendant on it. Nothing flashy, but important all the more. You turned it over in your hands, unable to wipe the giddiness from your face, on the back a single word was engraved.  _ “Love”.  _

* * *

Your apartment was nice. Your room was small, however it came mostly furnished and the rent was cheap because two other girls lived there. Still, at least you didn’t have to worry about housing or being too far from campus. The only rule was that boys weren’t supposed to be allowed overnight, not an uncommon rule in most girl’s shared apartments. At least it was close to Ushijima’s house, and he could come over as long as he didn’t stay the nights. 

The second year workload was a bit harder than you had anticipated, nothing you couldn’t handle. Between Ushijima’s practices and your classwork, the two of you would have to get creative in how you organized your time. Even without Ushijima constantly being around, you found company in your housemates. 

The oldest one, Osaki Remon, was a tall, slender woman with a darker complexion and even darker hair. She was a senior in the same major as you. More often than not, Osaki was bogged down with homework and her internship, but if she came back to see you struggling over something in the living room, no matter how exhausted she was, she would come over and help you and explain the concepts a little bit better. 

There was a freshman too, Sawada Hotaru, making you the second oldest. Sawada was a small, robust girl with rosy cheeks and unruly brown hair. Her eyes were kind and brown, hidden behind the chunky pink frames of her glasses. She was in the nutritional and health department, so she was often whipping up new dishes with extra protein or other additives. For the most part, they were good, but putting whey protein in brownies turned out to not be the move. 

It was odd to see Ushijima in her kitchen cooking. It was midday on a Sunday, He was wearing your roommate’s frilly apron. “Your boyfriend looks so cool,” Sawada commented, nibbling on one of her newest creations: chocolate whey wafer cookies. 

You had to agree, even under the most ridiculous circumstances, Ushijima commanded an air of absolute seriousness, which almost made it even harder not to laugh than it already was.

You snickered, watching him go at it in the kitchen. You knew before he had almost no cooking experience, but he had learned several dishes just to impress you. It made your heart flutter when you saw him cooking intently. As opposed to most meals he had cooked as a bachelor, these foods weren’t plain and primarily for purely nutritious needs.

You slipped off the couch and over to the kitchen, wrapping your arms behind him, leaning your head on his spine, giving it a tender kiss. You moved with him as he cooked, and you knew he probably enjoyed the contact, though he was often not the one to initiate such displays, much less with others around. 

He practically melted in your arms, continuing to busy himself over the cooktop. It was moments like this, the mundane little gestures, the fingers running through your hair as you read a book in bed, the good luck kisses before each of his games, and even the way he made sure to keep your favorite snacks in the cupboard for when you stayed at his apartment: the little considerations and tender actions were what you knew you would remember and cherish the most. 


	10. Mess of Nymphs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I won't be at college (probably) for the rest of the semester, so I look forward to writing in order to keep my sanity during quarantine. I plan on continuing updates as per usual, maybe more frequently since I have more time. I don't know if my works are something you all look forward to, but since I will not be able to have any human interaction outside my family for the foreseeable future, I will spend a lot of time writing.
> 
> I hope none of y'all are panicking too much. Wash your hands, keep social distance, be safe. 
> 
> Make sure to leave comments on my works if you're enjoying them, I appreciate your feedback.

It was harder to see Ushijima due to his games and the fact that both of your workloads were increasing. Especially now since you got a part time job at a corner store off campus, free time was a scare and sacred luxury. 

You found yourself lingering in his apartment in the mornings, even though you needed to get to your classes and he needed to get to his volleyball practices. He had to leave far too early in the mornings and got home far too late in the evenings. If you both had a free night, the two of you wouldn’t even bother going out on a date. Any night was a good night when he would buy a bottle of wine and the two of you could cook together and later fuck eachother’s brains out. 

You kissed him as he dropped you off at your door, even though he was only a few blocks away, the distance seemed farther than when you had lived on campus. You guys had always been busy, even in high school, still, dating put even more of a strain on your time especially since there really were no good times to hang out. He turned away and started to walk away, but you snatched his hand and tugged him back, standing on the steps outside your apartment, you were taller than him, you kissed him harder, almost like you could devour him. 

It was late, and if your roommates caught you outside with him, they were sure to interrogate you the rest of the night. So, reluctantly, you let go of his hand and let him walk away. This time, he was smiling. 

  
  


At least Golden Week was coming up soon, and then there would be summer vacation in July. Neither of you were entirely sure if Ushijima had to stay at University over the breaks to practice volleyball, but most likely he would. The two of you hardly had enough time to spend with each other as it was, but perhaps the two of you could see each other during Golden Week. 

You flipped through your calendar on your phone. You and Ushijima didn’t even live in the same city, but he at least was close if you took the train. Who knows, the two of you hadn’t any time to discuss, so you would have to play it by ear for now. You ran a hand over your head before locking your phone and looking over the material neatly written on the sheet in front of you. You were so thankful to Osaki for keeping her old notebooks and papers. She was a good student and had the neatest handwriting you had ever seen, you were jealous, if you were being honest. 

Still, you didn’t quite envy her, she was always working, whether that be on her classwork, or at her part time job, sometimes both at once. She worked at the convenience store at the end of your block. She worked the graveyard shift, and when there was nobody in the store, she would study and review. With all of the time you were spending at home, and not with Ushijima, but pretty much by yourself. The allure of a job got more and more tempting. For now, your savings were lasting, but getting a part time job would alleviate some of your stress when it came to monetary concerns. 

You furrowed your brow and rubbed your bleary eyes. Thinking like this, you wouldn’t get any more studying done that night. You snapped off your desk lamp and went to bed. 

* * *

It was Sunday, the one day that all of you had off from both school and work. Osaki was treating herself to a beer while flipping through a magazine in the living room while you and Sawada were sampling your latest creation. Surprisingly, you and Ushijima had a date that day. He said he wanted to take you to a new restaurant, but you knew that if he had really done what he had wanted, he would have asked you to come over to his when he had gotten home the night before so he could monopolize all of your time. Ushijima also understood that you liked your roommates and wanted to keep your relationship with them a priority as well. 

“Hey, Osaki-san?” You called from the kitchen, looking at her, she didn’t even look up when she responded with a disinterested hum, she just flipped another page in her magazine. “Your store is hiring now isn’t it?”

This got her attention, she leaned over the back of the couch, letting her magazine fall on the cushion next to her. “Oh no, please tell me you aren’t going to throw away what little free time you have, you will never have more time than you have now, please spend it wisely!” Osaki moaned melodramatically. While being a studious and overall serious person, osaki also tended to over exaggerate things on her downtime, she was actually quite the interesting person to hang around. 

“I was-,” you had no idea how to respond. “I was looking to get extra money since all I do here is study and I will run out of savings eventually, so I might as well work.” 

Osaki shook her head, “if that’s how you want to waste your youth, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said dramatically. “I’ll talk to my boss tomorrow when I get in.” 

You rolled your eyes and pulled the whistling kettle off of the stovetop and poured the water into the teapot. She was making a big deal out of it, but at least you would have a job and some worthwhile activity to occupy your time. 

* * *

Golden Week was just a few days away, and you and Ushijima had still not discussed what you would do. On the walk from work to his place, you decided was the best time to bring up the topic. “Hey, Wakatoshi?” You said, looking up at him and meeting his stride. 

“Yes?” He smiled at you gently and it almost made your heart melt entirely. 

You reached your hand out and wrapped it around his, he squeezed it twice. “What do you think about the two of us spending part of Golden Week, alone, just the two of us?” 

He mulled it over a bit, but continued walking. You could see the hesitation. Though his relationship with his mother was strained, Ushijima still had that almost overbearing responsibility to him to put his family before you. Though now that the two of you had been dating for nearly three months, he might consider it a bit more. “We could go on a little day trip before coming back? I could spend the night at your place?” You suggested it. Though using the promise of sex as a way to get your boyfriend to spend more time with you felt dirty. 

“Sure, we can look over it tonight, do you want to come back to my place?” Well that, now that was an offer you couldn’t refuse. 

* * *

Seeing your family over break was nice and all, being home felt weird considering you had just been there a few weeks prior. It was not as nice as when you knew that at the end of the week you could spend time with your boyfriend, quality time, for the first time in weeks. You sighed, the train couldn’t get to his station any slower. It felt like it took ages to reach his stop, then eons for the train to come to a halt and let the doors open. You peeled your eyes excitedly for Ushijima’s figure on the platform, and when you met his gaze, you smiled broadly. 

It was a comfortable ride back to your campus town, and just a short walk to Ushijima’s to drop off your stuff before heading out again. You held his hand the whole way from his apartment to the bus stop, and from the bus stop to the aquarium. It was a very coupley place to go, the aquarium. 

Since it was Golden Week still, there were hardly any people there. The two of you could take your time, savoring walking around dark, blue-tinted halls that were nearly deserted (save for the fish behind them). He squeezed your hand twice when your eyes would light up at certain exhibits and you would turn to him and give him a knowing grin. 

Ushijima wasn’t one for much public affection, but he had recently taken to giving you signals. You knew that two squeezes meant something, you didn’t know exactly what, but the way he looked down at you when he did so lead you to believe it could be no other signal but adoration. 

He looked beautiful, illuminated by the blue soft glow of the tanks and you fought the urge to tackle him to the ground. 

That day was a day to savor, you had all the time in the world to love him. 


	11. A Colony of Rain Beetles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stormy Clouds Up Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, hope you are all being safe and finding good things to do if you are currently in quarantine! Online classes aren't as hard as I thought so I have had more time to watch anime and I have found some new stuff that I really like. Though I had to move out of my dorm room yesterday and that was really sad. 
> 
> Make sure to wash your hands and give me lots of feedback in the comments, I love hearing what you guys think about my work and I am always open to new ideas!

It was cozy, it was the perfect day for a picnic, well the perfect day for an unconventional picnic. Ushijima wasn’t known for any sort of outlandish shows of affection or grand gestures. Heck, him giving you a necklace was the most outwardly romantic thing he had ever done. You sat under the pavilion, watching the drops of water slide down the vines coiled about the support beams. You were barefoot and comfortably leaned back on your elbows. Even though it was raining when he had come to pick you up this morning, he insisted that the two of you take advantage of your one day off a week. 

So you watched him, bemused, as he set up the picnic. He was using his old Shiritorizawa gym bag as a picnic basket. He displayed two glasses, a bottle of cider, and a few containers. 

You smiled, putting a hand on his shoulder and pulling him in for a kiss. It was a nice day to be in the park with someone you loved. 

* * *

Every once in a while you would catch Ushijima in a romantic mood. One night, while flipping through channels, he came across an old black and white movie. A couple swayed on screen, he slid out of bed, startling you momentarily, He then reached a hand out to you, which you took, groggily. He wore a t shirt and boxers, and you wore his practice jersey from high school. But in that moment he was dressed to the nines, his outfit perfectly tailored. And you felt like you were wearing the most glamorous nighttime attire as the two of you held yourselves in each other’s arms, dancing along to music from a time gone by. 

Ushijima could be sentimental and romantic, if he let himself. And when it came to you, how could he help himself? Every moment with you he could cherish. 

* * *

Still it was stressful when both of your schedules were so filled up. You had only taken on the job because Ushijima was busy during those times. Soon you had become dependent on working at the corner store for the extra money that you could spend on groceries and other essentials. Picking up more shifts, it meant less time with Ushijima. That meant strain, and strain meant fighting. There was a good portion in June where you and he did nothing but fight when you spent more than an hour with each other. 

Of course you missed him deeply, and you didn’t want a fight. Your financial stability and choices were more important. 

“I just don’t see why you  _ need  _ to work there.” He said with his normal, plain tone. It irritated you, you couldn’t sense any passion or emotion but you knew he was upset. 

You crossed your arms, you had just gotten off at work, and you would have rather walked yourself home than to listen to this any longer. “It’s not about  _ needing  _ it, I  _ want  _ to work, I want to have  _ money _ , I  _ want  _ to be able to be  _ independent _ !” You argued, on the brink of losing your temper. This was the third time this week that you were having this conversation and it was only Thursday. You kept walking briskly, he let you, even though he knew in just a few more strides he could catch up with you. 

“At least consider taking some time off?” He suggested. 

“I could say the same to you,” you barked back bitterly. 

You wouldn’t look at him. “You know I have no control over my volleyball scheduling.” 

“It’s never your fault!” You huffed, trying not to be too loud because you were in the neighborhood and didn’t want to cause a scene. 

He reached out to grab your arm. “I am trying.” His teeth were gritted. 

“Are you?” You sneered, “Are you really trying when you come to pick me up from work but all you end up doing is picking a fight?” 

You stood under the streetlamp only across the street from your apartment. Your roommate, Sawada, was taking out and sorting the burnable and recycling waste. “Hey are you okay?” She asked cautiously, but there was an alertness in her eyes you had never seen before. 

“We are just talking, thank you Sawada-san.” 

“I wasn’t asking you, I was asking her.” Sawada narrowed her eyes, crossing the street. “Why don’t you come inside, it’s getting late, I’ll brew tea.” 

You shook Ushijima off your arm, which wasn’t hard because he wasn’t being all that forceful. You hustled across the street and linked arms with your roommate before disappearing into your apartment, without looking over your shoulder. 

* * *

_ “In other news, a stormfront is heading towards our area this week, you can expect a wet and windy weekend. Though this area will not be hit with the full brunt of the storm, it is advised to stay indoors and to not go outside unless necessary.”  _ The weather reporter on the news droned on. Perfect! Rainy, miserable weather to reflect your miserable and sour mood. 

You were mad at Ushijima, rightfully so. You stuck date stamps on the bentos. Who was he to decide where your time was better spent? Sure you missed him, but that didn’t give him any right to be a dick about it! After all, he didn’t need to worry about money, he got a big fancy scholarship for sports! What did you have, nothing in comparison to his practically full ride. 

This convenience store was where Ushijima had gotten all of the snacks that he had brought to you in order to woo you. This store was more important than he gave credit for. In a way it brought the two of you together, but now it was tearing you apart. It was only a part time job!

You took your spot behind the counter at the register, Osaki was on her break, in the back room probably studying or taking a power nap. The bell chimed over the door as it opened and you welcomed the customer, using the fakest, cheery customer service voice you could muster. The news continued on. 

Your lips turned downwards when you saw who it was. Ushijima stood on the mat by the door, setting his umbrella down by the window. “What do you want?” 

“I came to walk you home.” 

You crossed your arms over your chest, “I am going nowhere with you.” 

“Please,” he paused, “we need to… talk.” He seemed a bit on-edge. 

The back door opened and Osaki entered, her eyes narrowing as they landed on Ushijima. “If you need to talk to her, talk to her here.” Osaki crossed the store and set her lean frame in front of the counter, a buffer between you and Ushijima. 

“I wanted to apologize for the other day,” his voice was quiet and steady. 

You opened your mouth to say something but Osaki responded first. “For what?” Her tone made it clear she knew exactly what the answer should be and any other responses would be rejected. 

“For being an ass.” He said, there was a tint to his cheeks. Other than in the bedroom, Ushijima refrained from using profanity. 

It was quiet, all you could hear was the news. Then there was a snicker, then you burst into peals of laughter. Both your boyfriend and roommate looked at you questionably. This was all too much. If it came down to him admitting something like that, you were sure that spending the time to talk to him would have been okay. 

You wiped the tears from your eyes and sucked in some breaths to calm yourself down. 

* * *

The walk to his apartment was deafening, though neither of you spoke. You both huddled under your own respective umbrellas as the rain roared down. At the entrance of his place you pulled off your rain boots while Ushijima kicked off his soggy trainers. You made your way to the kitchen where you began starting a kettle of water and preparing tea for the both of you. Though it was nearly summer, the bad weather left an Undeniable chill in you. Ushijima threw his soaked socks and pants in the laundry bin and returned to the kitchen in a pair of pajama bottoms. You fixed his cup of tea and handed it to him when he had settled at the dining room table. 

“Thanks,” he muttered, hardly audible. The chair creaked as you sunk into it across from him. You waited, expecting Ushijima to be the one to say the most for once. After a bit of awkward silence, he did. 

“I’m sorry.” He looked you in the eye when he spoke, you had always liked that about him. “I should have respected your decisions more, your job is important, it is what keeps you in school and with housing in the first place, much like volleyball does for me.” He almost sounded like a kid, realizing for the first time just how selfish they had been. “I should be more understanding, I did not realize how seriously you took your job.” 

You drained the rest of your tea from your cup but still held it close in your hands, it was still so warm. “At first, I was just passing the time, but I guess I had been so caught up with other things that I didn’t realize how much I needed the money. I also didn’t appreciate you belittling my work, I didn’t get a fancy full ride for sports like you, I still have so many bills to pay and groceries to buy, it’s frustrating when you don’t understand that.” You said, deflating a bit, the tension easing out of you a bit at a time. 

“I did not consider your position, that was very inconsiderate of me.” He looked at you in all seriousness, “In the future I promise to be more understanding, if you still want me.”

You set your mug down. “Okay.” You stood up and walked over to the doorway, looking at him looking at you quizzically from the dining room table. “Well,” you said, a smile playing on your lips, “don’t you wanna make up?” 


	12. A Single Caterpillar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Hope y'all are staying safe! I was originally going to upload this on Sunday, my birthday, but I have final projects and took on a quick side job to do over the weekend. I decided to continue to explore more entertaining branches of this story since I find that just focusing on relationship dynamics every chapter can get a bit drab. 
> 
> I hope you all stay safe and please enjoy the bonus chapter this month! I will be back after the first week of May to bring you another chapter!

These days, Ushijima was trying to be more cognizant of how important your job was. It was imperative that the two of you be considerate. It wasn’t the dynamic like when you were in high school. 

You walked out of his bathroom in a towel and sat on the edge of his bed. He pulled out the hair dryer and began blow drying your hair. He wasn’t that good at it, but it got the job done and it was surprisingly intimate. He untangled knots gently and carefully. He made you feel safe and he cherished you. And you could do that through little things. Snacks you left for him on days you knew he had a match. The extra coffee in the pot when you woke up. And waiting in the rain with an extra umbrella when he knew you had forgotten yours. 

He watched your favorite shows, even though you knew he probably didn’t understand your investment. You went to his games and cheered for him when you could make it. He would come over and cook for you and your roommates. He got along with your friends. So what could possibly make this relationship sour? 

The struggle. 

If there was one thing you had learned, it was that Ushijima, while not a difficult person to love, didn’t make it easy. The two of you were going in different directions, if you both hadn’t worked together it would fall apart. That scared you. 

For now, you were content with him snuggling you on the living room couch while watching a documentary and cooking you eggs in the morning. If you look too far in the future, you will lose sight of what you have in the moment. 

* * *

Ushijima’s face was no longer an expressionless stone. Like a story or song you hear when you’re younger, you can’t understand it all immediately. It takes time and growth to understand. The first round of exams were coming up and the two of you were on a video call while you studied. He was a bright man, much smarter than people gave him credit for. 

It was comfortable now, you could read him well. More expressive than you had ever known. “Hey, Wakatoshi.” 

“Hmmm?” He mumbled, not looking up from his notebook. 

“When exams are over, let’s go to the ramen shop.” 

  
  


“Sure,” he flipped a page, not seeming too invested, but you caught the smile playing on his lips, “it’s a date.” 

* * *

“Oi, you’re back, you better not have been walking alone again!” The old man crooned from behind the counter. 

“Hey, Gramps!” You greeted. “And no, my boyfriend’s outside.” 

“I guess that explains why you haven’t been around much, youngsters!” He sighed, tending to his food. 

The same girl from before came out of the back with pitchers of water and glasses. “He acts tough, but he really missed you.” She grinned. 

“Ah, Yuri-chan! You grew over the summer.” You noted. Yuri grinned at you. Ushijima entered and sat down. You waited for Yuri to set down the pitchers and set up the glasses before hugging her. “I’m surprised you don’t have a boyfriend!”

Yuri sighed, looking a bit weary, “With the way this old man works me? Impossible. Yuri waved her hand dismissively. 

You giggled. “It’s all in it’s own time.” 

You sat next to Ushijima and ordered, letting Yuri get back to work. “Ah, so this is your boyfriend.” The old man looked stern but nodded. “Sturdy man.” 

You blushed. Ushijima was unmoved. “Hey gramps, did you miss me?” you asked teasingly. “I’m your favorite customer~.” 

“Oh please,” he scoffed, cooking hurriedly but with grace. “You barely ever finish a bowl.” 

“That’s because your portions are so big!” 

He set a bowl in front of Ushima and you and then got to the next order. “Take notes from your boyfriend, he eats like a champ.” 

You laughed. This old man was practically in love with your boyfriend, well maybe it was only how much your boyfriend ate, but still. 

* * *

“Thank you for the meal.” You and Ushijima said in unison before you were on your way out. 

The old man had his arms crossed. “You two better be careful getting home, ya’ hear? And no funny business on the bus!” 

“Yeah, yeah, Gramps.” You said lightheartedly. 

“Boy, I’m full.” You sighed happily, slumping in the seat next to Ushijima on the bus and laying your head on his shoulder. “Nothing beats Gramps’ ramen.” 

Ushijima smiled. “Yeah.” 

“I’m glad exams are over, we can finally let loose!” You snuggled closer. 

“Yeah.” 

“Hey, Wakatoshi?” 

“Yes?” 

“Can we go back to your place?” 

* * *

The two of you ended up staying up and drinking sake most of the night. There were a few makeouts here and there but you ultimately passed out before the two of you could do anything. 

When you woke up the next morning, not wearing a shirt and only in a pair of Ushijima’s boxers, you shivered. You rolled over, expecting to see Ushijima, but your eyes were met by a particularly grumpy looking cat. You rolled your eyes and pulled the cat to your chest to keep you warm, sitting up and finding a note, a bottle of pills, and a glass of water on the bedside table. 

If Ushijima went for a run, you decided to surprise him with breakfast. You carried the cat to the kitchen in your arms and opened the fridge. “What should we make today, grumpus?”

The cat purred in response. “You’re right, eggs are probably the easiest thing to make. Don’t wanna burn the place down while he’s out.” You set the cat on the floor and got to work. As you fried the eggs, the cat settled on your feet and kept them warm. 

The door opened. “Hey. Ushijima?” 

You dropped the spatula in the pan. “Tendou, what the fuck?” You squealed, covering your chest. 

“Oh? Someone’s staying over?” He narrowed his eyes.

You ran into the bedroom behind the curtain and shuffled to find a shirt before going back out. Tendou had now taken over frying the eggs. You rolled your eyes, your face burning. “Tenou, what the hell are you doing here, don’t you ever knock?” 

  
  


“Where’s Ushijima?”

“You’re not answering my question.” There was a pause and all you could hear was sizzling eggs. You sighed. “He’s out for a run.” 

“You guys still like in high school?” 

“No!” You said sharply, not in the mood for his teasing. 

“You broke his heart, y’know?” 

You snorted. “Really, I couldn’t tell.” You set the kettle on and got out two cups. “He has been tenacious.” 

“He finally got you though.” You shrugged. 

“Ah, wait, why are you even here?” You asked. You were sure as hell he didn’t just drop by to peek on you and cook breakfast. 

“Can’t a friend visit another friend while he’s in town.” You narrowed your eyes. “Fine, you got me. Ushijima invited me over to watch his match tonight.” He turned off the burner and plated the eggs. 

You put toast out and then got the eggs back out. “Do we need to feed you?” 


	13. Finally a Butterfly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it takes a lot of courage to come out of your shell. We live in a very accepting time but it can still be hard to be yourself from time to time. I just want to say, that you can do the world good, and i hope you have the courage to become the amazingly, beautiful you.

Normally, Ushijima would be delighted to see you waiting up for him with breakfast on the table. Though his mouth was drawn into a rather sour line when he saw someone sitting in his seat across the table. Before he could ask you what was going on, you looked at him with a smile that conveyed all of the irritation you were feeling at the moment. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked, focusing back in Tenou, who was nonchalantly munching on toast. 

“I came to see your game.” He said, but instead of turning his body to look at Ushijima behind him, he tilted his head back and looked at Ushijima upside down. 

“The game is not for another ten hours.” 

“Aww, I was hoping you could show me around.” Tendou continued eating while upside down. You grimaced. 

“As long as you are our guest, please use manners.” You said pointedly. 

Tendou went back to sitting upright in the chair and Ushijima went back behind the curtain dividing the bedroom and the kitchen. 

“You sure got hot.” Tendou said, that stupid mischief in his eye. “Women in love are something else.” 

You snorted. “You may be my friend but I can still whack you into next week.” You cleaned up your dishes and began lathering up the sponge. 

“I’m serious! You know, I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.” Tendou pointed out. 

“Hmm?” You hummed, rinsing the dishes. 

“He used to be so broody sometimes, thought not after he saw you.” Tendou said. “But now, he seems almost adult.” You turned off the tap and dried the dishes. “And you seem to have a sort of direction to you, you are serious now.” 

You sighed. “It’s part of being an adult, we are going to be twenty this year.” You turned around and leaned against the cabinets. “I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life without making a real connection, without doing something of value.” 

“I already am twenty.” Tendou said almost proudly. 

You rolled your eyes, “And you sure act like it, Tendou-kun.” 

* * *

The three of you set out to see what was around town. There was a zoo in the next town over and there was a downtown area with a shopping district and a couple cafes. There wasn’t much of anything that you thought Tendou would specifically enjoy. He seemed to be content though, with Ushijima telling him about where you lived.

You relaxed, Ushijima could do all of the tour guide work and you could focus on enjoying the day. It was nice to catch up with Tendou and reminisce about high school. The busier you got, the harder it became to keep in touch with your high school friends. 

For once, you had someone to watch Ushijima’s games with you. It was nice to share it with someone, especially with someone who cared for your boyfriend and was maybe just as proud of him as you were. 

That night, Tendou came back with two bottles of saké. One was a gift for visiting, and the other was for the three of you to share. It was always a good time when Tendou was around. And even though Ushijima normally wasn’t up for drinking, or much of anything after night matches, he seemed to smile more. He threaded a hand in yours while the three of you sat in the bedroom and chatted. Ushijima pumped your hand three times. He did that often, more often than he used to. You made a note to ask him about it for later. But for now, you were young and happy and spending time with your two favorite people from high school. 

* * *

The next morning, going to class was the hardest thing to do. Even though you knew how important it was and everything you had sacrificed to get there. Class just felt unimportant. You could hear the shower cutting off and laying in bed, and more importantly, getting Ushijima to get back into bed seemed like the most wonderful thing in the world. But you knew that once he had gone on his run and started the day, Ushijima wouldn’t be able to sleep so you slid grumpily from the bed and made your way towards the kitchen, getting a start on breakfast, the rice and tea. Ushijima would make everything else. 

It was your little routine when you stayed over with him, which wasn’t often, but common enough to warrant it. He would come out of the bathroom and you would trade places. Once you had brushed your teeth and washed your face, and you were otherwise ready for class, breakfast would be nearly or completely ready. You would slink back into the kitchen, past where he would be standing by the stove and give him a kiss before sitting down in your seat. A quick and nutritious meal, certainly something you wouldn’t have made if you had woken up alone in your own bed. 

After breakfast, the two of you would put away your dishes and then make your way to campus together, holding hands. Ushijima wasn’t the most outwardly affectionate person in the world, but you were glad that any time you went out together, his hand gravitated towards yours like a magnet. You would talk about whatever was going on in the little world of your college life. As you walked by your house with Ushijima, on occasion you would catch your roommate,Sawada, booking it out the door, chronically late in the mornings and often in too much of a hurry to do more than wave at the two of you as she dashed past in the opposite direction of campus. 

Wherever you parted ways, he would give you a quick peck and squeeze your hand three times. Today you finally asked. “What does that mean?” 

He grinned at you, a smile so rare to see of anyone in public, much less him, “I love you!” He called it loud enough for half the campus to hear, and you could have sworn you were going to burst into a fit of tears right then and there. 

Your heart almost burst. 


	14. A Trio of Ladybirds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sweet ending to a rather chaotic story. I hope you all enjoyed! Look forward to my other works and check them out!
> 
> I cannot believe how long I made this work. It was only supposed to be a one shot but I figured that instead of the cliche getting married and living happily ever after, i would leave it a bit ragged. Because life is messy, relationships are messy, and we all grow a bit differently.

Ushijima tapped your shoulder three times when you woke up next to him. And when he kissed you goodbye, it was in threes. Everything he did, Ushijima was saying he loved you. As the days went on, it occurred more frequently. 

When he watched you study, he nudged your foot with his three times and smiled when you looked at him. 

When you were eating something sour and your lips puckered, he would tap your shoulder three times. 

He squeezed your hand three times when you said something he liked in public. 

He kissed you three times in the morning whenever he first saw you, chaste and sweet.

And in return, you had begun to do it back. There was always times where it would be uncomfortable or inappropriate to say ‘I love you’, especially when meeting Ushijima after a game or at practice in front of his teammates. 

It was one such moment, where he came over to your place and was in the kitchen with you making okonomiyaki that someone else finally noticed this ritual. 

“Why are you always doing things in threes?” Osaki asked from her perch at the dining table. She had her books open on the table, but instead of looking at them, she was lazily watching the two of you cook in the kitchen with her chin propped in her hand and a bored glaze over her eyes. 

You blushed a bit, not really knowing how to explain. You looked at your boyfriend for help. 

  
  


He said nothing, his back was turned from Osaki, and you saw him blush a bit too. 

“A good luck ritual?” You offered pathetically. Osaki nodded, but eyed the two of you under scrutiny. She turned back to her books and didn’t ask any more questions. For now. 

You knew better, she would ask later. 

* * *

“Hey, what was that thing you did with your girlfriend after the game?” One of Ushijima’s teammates asked as they exited the locker room. He was unaware that you were waiting just outside the corner. 

Ushijima was silent until he saw you, grabbed your hand and squeezed it three times before kissing you on the forehead. 

“It’s a message” He smiled down at you. 

Apparently his teammate, more confused than ever, didn’t understand. But that didn’t matter to Ushijima, nor did it matter to you. As long as you understood and Ushijima understood. That was a message shared only between the two of you. 

Sure, some people probably caught on that it was your thing. Maybe they thought it was a ritual for good luck in games or on a test. Most couples have their little ‘thing’ that they do with each other. It’s what makes every relationship dynamic and wonderful and wholeheartedly unique. 

So every time he tapped his finger in threes on the table as you studied, when you danced in the living room and he spun you three times, to hold him in your arms and kiss his face three times, it was magic. It made your heart flutter faster and harder than you had ever known it to. And your cheeks bloomed with heat, a smile you could not deny would overgrow the rest of your face.    
  


* * *

It became such a natural habit at that point. Ushijima, the number three. Actions in threes reminded you of him. He looked so nice, dozing off in the grass on a sunny part of campus where the two of you had decided to study together. It was warm and all you could smell was grass. You watched the bugs crawling on a flower, a pair of ladybirds rested on the petals and you smiled, taking a picture. 

It was too nice and calm of a day to get upset and frustrated over textbooks. So for that time, you rested your head against Ushijima’s chest, still watching the way the sunlight and shadows of near sunset dance over the grass. 

You were content with this late spring evening, You and your boyfriend completely tranquil and in harmony with the lazy and soothing pace of all of the nature surrounding you. You sighed contently and watched as something came flying your way. You snapped another picture as it joined the other on the dandelion. 

Now was peace, later, you would surely be busy with work and studying, and Ushijima would have practices and matches. You wouldn’t have time to be with each other so freely, but it was a rare day of sloth that you two were unaccustomed to. And you wanted to commit it all to memory, or as much as you possibly could. 

The sky was striped with wispy clouds and pink and orange streaks. Ushijima raised his hand and stroked you hair, alarming you at first because you didn’t know he was awake, but you quickly relaxed to his soothing motions. 

Just a year prior there was nobody you wanted to see less than Ushijima. Around that time of evening, practice would have just gotten out and he would be making his evening run to your place, stopping at the little convenience store on his way. All of the people you had met, the places you discovered, and the memories you shared since then had changed your life. 

You were no longer that girl from high school who couldn't care less about what Ushijima was feeling. To be satisfied by nothing but sex, that was not you. 

You were older, maybe a little bit wiser. You knew real love for the first time. You felt content with chaste kisses for the first time. The world was a different place than it had been a year ago. And you saw everything through new eyes. 

You turned to Ushijima and saw him looking at you adoringly and you smiled a little. In the future, the two of you would get into fights. You would come close to calling it quits and breaking up. You would have many more fun nights. 

Celebrations and parties with friends. You would both run headfirst into your careers, grow together, love together. Maybe even get married. 

But in the present, none of that future hardship or joy mattered. It was just slipping his hand in yours and the warmth of the setting sun on your cheek. And everything was perfect., these memories that you couldn't capture on a camera. 

**-END-**


End file.
